Tis The Season to be Ugly:" I mean, what was Joseph doing with his wife… family planning? And even if he was, why was he not popping the damn fruit, for Christ’s sake? Was he waiting for Christmas to unravel that particular present? (Oops, I think he was…)"
Read All About My Splendid New Disco-Bhari ... A Sen'x'ibly thought out reason of Christ's Creation, and the significance in the modern (suitably) hermaphrodite world...
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December 24, 2005
December 21, 2005
Look Back in --???
Well gentle readers, for the last one year and three months I have hated the Perfect Must-see Pujo destination of Kolkata for all those are young at heart... Maddox Square!!
I used to have a certain affection for that place before that time ( for numerous reasons of the heart.... I am sure gentle readers wil be much ashamed to hear my amorous ventures in that place).
How ever, as I was Saying,
The Incident: Last year Ashtami--- a buzzed me had stumbled inside my room after a hefty swig of BACARDI, WHITE MISCHIEF & OLD ADVENTURE at 2.30 in the afternoon. three hours later me was taken, kicking and screaming to Maddox Square, with School friends, and Family... YES FAMILY!!!!
My MOM AND MY 9 year old brat of a sister tagged along my sorry self.
Result: Cool Cute and Cuddly guys stayed off me, the guy I liked ACTUALLY came to talk, and saw my 5'6" 108kg Mummy darling standing guard, and constantly asking... ebar kon pujo dekhte jabo?? (missing the point of coming to the place altogether)and my 9-year old brat screaming... MA PIZZA KHABO!??!??!
Further result: My SEMI-BUZZED Self got rude stares, regretful looks and later, a sound lecture from the BOSS(mai baap)...
Inference- This year I did not go to MADDOX SQUARE on Pujo. I had a bout of MADDOX-FEAR.
HOW EVER... today I had to go to that place for some purpose or other... and whaddaya know?? Its was empty, with a few overbloated ladies trying to slim themselves down to fit themselves into dresses that would barely fit around their thighs, and little brats screaming for attention. All in all, just another park. Nothing special... with grasses and stuffs.
Gentle readers... the next PUJO... I hope I remember this thought, "Its just a Park!!"
I used to have a certain affection for that place before that time ( for numerous reasons of the heart.... I am sure gentle readers wil be much ashamed to hear my amorous ventures in that place).
How ever, as I was Saying,
The Incident: Last year Ashtami--- a buzzed me had stumbled inside my room after a hefty swig of BACARDI, WHITE MISCHIEF & OLD ADVENTURE at 2.30 in the afternoon. three hours later me was taken, kicking and screaming to Maddox Square, with School friends, and Family... YES FAMILY!!!!
My MOM AND MY 9 year old brat of a sister tagged along my sorry self.
Result: Cool Cute and Cuddly guys stayed off me, the guy I liked ACTUALLY came to talk, and saw my 5'6" 108kg Mummy darling standing guard, and constantly asking... ebar kon pujo dekhte jabo?? (missing the point of coming to the place altogether)and my 9-year old brat screaming... MA PIZZA KHABO!??!??!
Further result: My SEMI-BUZZED Self got rude stares, regretful looks and later, a sound lecture from the BOSS(mai baap)...
Inference- This year I did not go to MADDOX SQUARE on Pujo. I had a bout of MADDOX-FEAR.
HOW EVER... today I had to go to that place for some purpose or other... and whaddaya know?? Its was empty, with a few overbloated ladies trying to slim themselves down to fit themselves into dresses that would barely fit around their thighs, and little brats screaming for attention. All in all, just another park. Nothing special... with grasses and stuffs.
Gentle readers... the next PUJO... I hope I remember this thought, "Its just a Park!!"
December 17, 2005
A long Nostalgic Night
The letters slide drunkenly across my keyboard as I try to type the right stuffs.
After a long time, dad and I had a mano-I-mano over a pint of vodka and 6 Bacardi breezers. And since I am drunk(well, almost drunk... you know those times when you know partially that what you're doing is WRONG but too out of control to stop anything that you have started) this blog is not, I repeat, NOT Panu speaking... just a drunken old fool who is feeling depressed over being alive, and trying to come to terms with all that plague her sordid little days. The depression is for the obvious reason... exams. And hey, nonny nonny, its my anniversary!!!
On this day, two years ago, I made a fool of myself over someone not worth dripping over the carpets. I fell in that abyss of cliches that everyone hope to fall into at least once in their lifetime.
And yes, the end was not pretty.
And I still thought you would come to me. And the girl you love is studying with me, and to watch her everyday is a constant reminder of my foolishness... of what I can never have and she rejected. And I feel so guilty at times... of being such a two-faced hypocrite.
And I know that what you meant to me will evetually be a memory baby. But I can still feel the wounds that will not heal. They are softly digging further and further in me, and I can't get out of this godawful mess that I have made.
And it is all my fault, for I Just can't let you go. And all I do is miss you... though I know that the time was wrong.
P.S. Please readers, call it an exam-pression(can be both exam+expression or exam+depression... choose your call).. And this thing that I just wrote is just a dream, forget it after you finish reading.
After a long time, dad and I had a mano-I-mano over a pint of vodka and 6 Bacardi breezers. And since I am drunk(well, almost drunk... you know those times when you know partially that what you're doing is WRONG but too out of control to stop anything that you have started) this blog is not, I repeat, NOT Panu speaking... just a drunken old fool who is feeling depressed over being alive, and trying to come to terms with all that plague her sordid little days. The depression is for the obvious reason... exams. And hey, nonny nonny, its my anniversary!!!
On this day, two years ago, I made a fool of myself over someone not worth dripping over the carpets. I fell in that abyss of cliches that everyone hope to fall into at least once in their lifetime.
And yes, the end was not pretty.
And I still thought you would come to me. And the girl you love is studying with me, and to watch her everyday is a constant reminder of my foolishness... of what I can never have and she rejected. And I feel so guilty at times... of being such a two-faced hypocrite.
And I know that what you meant to me will evetually be a memory baby. But I can still feel the wounds that will not heal. They are softly digging further and further in me, and I can't get out of this godawful mess that I have made.
And it is all my fault, for I Just can't let you go. And all I do is miss you... though I know that the time was wrong.
P.S. Please readers, call it an exam-pression(can be both exam+expression or exam+depression... choose your call).. And this thing that I just wrote is just a dream, forget it after you finish reading.
December 16, 2005
And here I am, typing aimlessly and staring at the keyboard.
Another brick on the wall.
And another time when the teacher won't leave me alone.
Especially when I am trying to know the name of the bloody poems that contains such alien lines as found in my Exam Question paper.
Especially when my head feels like a mini-vibrator, throbbing and throbbing without any relief as I hunt for the new gel pen with which I destroy the virginity of the pristine white sheets that gaze back at me, reflecting my mind, which has gone blank.
I never expected myself to perform today. I felt no urge to perform today, because I did not feel the need to do so. Corny, huh? But then again, I think the only saving grace I have in me is that I am painfully honest to myself, and to be just that, I did not want to give this exam at all! It’s strange, because I take on exams like I take on everything else in life… without any seriousness at ALL!! And I suddenly realized today, that I am sick of this constant routine of study-exam-study-exam-study-… well, this never-ending chain that eats me up all the time.
Anyway, those of you were reading this with the illusion that this is some kind of funny blog that would send you off smirking, well, boo for you!!
THIS IS NO MATTER OF JOKE!! I HAVE JUST REALIZED THAT I HATE EXAMS!!
And to come to terms with this newfound knowledge, I went to the terrace to meet my wonderwall in the whole wide world, because I was feeling room-antique and bone-weary… the moon. And what do you know? Today the bluish white moon showed his damn pretty face (and yes, my theory is that the moon is a man) and smirked at my misery, not responding back like he usually does, just watching me back and showering me with moonlight, but as usual, this time he did not soothe me, calm me down, or love me. All he did was stare, like he was daring me to make a move first. So I did… I got down to the TV room and watched pathetic dances on StarOne (Nach Baliye). And it so damn irritated me that before the jhoojhess could make any comment, I simply left.
And here I am, listening to Linkin Park and feeling partially sated because at last the damn headache is gone. And that is all that matters tonight… I daresay I shall survive, but I guess am getting a tad jaded for all my years. But then again, perhaps this is the age to be jaded, and I have the satisfaction of knowing that I’m not the only one to feel so… Em’s leaving music.
How low can a day go?
Perhaps this is the way it’s supposed to be. All these years, and I have finally stopped pretending to have a happy ending. The fairy tale’s come to an end, and I’m left holding the glass slipper that will never fit.
Another brick on the wall.
And another time when the teacher won't leave me alone.
Especially when I am trying to know the name of the bloody poems that contains such alien lines as found in my Exam Question paper.
Especially when my head feels like a mini-vibrator, throbbing and throbbing without any relief as I hunt for the new gel pen with which I destroy the virginity of the pristine white sheets that gaze back at me, reflecting my mind, which has gone blank.
I never expected myself to perform today. I felt no urge to perform today, because I did not feel the need to do so. Corny, huh? But then again, I think the only saving grace I have in me is that I am painfully honest to myself, and to be just that, I did not want to give this exam at all! It’s strange, because I take on exams like I take on everything else in life… without any seriousness at ALL!! And I suddenly realized today, that I am sick of this constant routine of study-exam-study-exam-study-… well, this never-ending chain that eats me up all the time.
Anyway, those of you were reading this with the illusion that this is some kind of funny blog that would send you off smirking, well, boo for you!!
THIS IS NO MATTER OF JOKE!! I HAVE JUST REALIZED THAT I HATE EXAMS!!
And to come to terms with this newfound knowledge, I went to the terrace to meet my wonderwall in the whole wide world, because I was feeling room-antique and bone-weary… the moon. And what do you know? Today the bluish white moon showed his damn pretty face (and yes, my theory is that the moon is a man) and smirked at my misery, not responding back like he usually does, just watching me back and showering me with moonlight, but as usual, this time he did not soothe me, calm me down, or love me. All he did was stare, like he was daring me to make a move first. So I did… I got down to the TV room and watched pathetic dances on StarOne (Nach Baliye). And it so damn irritated me that before the jhoojhess could make any comment, I simply left.
And here I am, listening to Linkin Park and feeling partially sated because at last the damn headache is gone. And that is all that matters tonight… I daresay I shall survive, but I guess am getting a tad jaded for all my years. But then again, perhaps this is the age to be jaded, and I have the satisfaction of knowing that I’m not the only one to feel so… Em’s leaving music.
How low can a day go?
Perhaps this is the way it’s supposed to be. All these years, and I have finally stopped pretending to have a happy ending. The fairy tale’s come to an end, and I’m left holding the glass slipper that will never fit.
December 04, 2005
How to Catch and Kill a Lion
There are several straight methods to kill a lion, and there are several gay ways to kill them. Taken from different sources, my research to catch and kill a lion has proven to be by far the simplest methods of all time. Corbett, eat your heart out, because here are some of the tried and tested methods of catching and killing a lion that beats sitting in the jungle and getting bug-bitten.
First, Catch the Lion
· ARISTOTLE’S Method
Teach the lion the significance of tragedy in life and that being born was the biggest Miasma, and that he would soon be singing goat song (dithyrambos) if he lived any longer… after a few more minute of this, the lion will easily come to you and beg for ear muffs. That is a pretty good time to catch it.
· PLATO’S Method
This is for the times when the lion enters a cave. Just put a large stone, block the entrance, and voila! You have caught a lion.
· NEWTON’S Method
Let the lion catch you. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. That implies therefore that you have caught a lion.
· HAMLET Method
Confuse the lion by teaching it the “to be, or not to be” dilemma. While confused, catch it.
· LACAN Method
The simplest methods of all… just make the lion understand that he has lost his signifier. While he is searching for it, just lead him by the mane, promising to lead it to his signifier…
· BILL GATES Method
Catch a cat and claim that you have tested its potentials to be a lion, and very soon you will upgrade it into one.
· EINSTEIN Method
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired. Catch it then.
After the seven easy methods of catching the lion, let us move on to PART II Killing the Lion
· TERMINATOR Method
Keep warning the lion “ I’ll Be BACK!!” and kill him any day. The lion will live in fear and die soon of fear itself.
· MAMATA BANERJEE Method
Tell the lion that if it does not die you will leave the ministry. Lion will immediately not want to die, and opposition party will send mercenaries to kill it.
· MANIRATHNAM Method
Put the lion in a dark room and make sure the lion does not get sunlight. Light a single candle in the room and keep singing “ROJA JAANEMAN” in his ears. The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
· GOVINDA Method
Dance for six days in front of the lion wearing lime green chaddis with crimson banyaans to weaken it. On the seventh day read the political party speech he gave in Mumbai. The lion will die of shame.
· KARAN JOHAR Method
Invite the lion to KOFFEE WITH Ki- I Mean KARAN and Grill it with stupid questions about his failed career till it dies of boredom.
· YASH CHOPRA Method
Send a lioness in the forest where the lion lives. Our lion and lioness falls in love with each other. Now send another lioness in the forest. Follow it by another lion. Now first lion loves last lioness, but second lioness loves second lion. The first lioness loves the second lion but the second lion loves the first lion. Now, send a 3rd lioness to the forest and wait for 10 years. You don’t understand, huh? Read it after 10 years, and you wont understand either.
· RAHUL DRAVID Method
Ask the lion to bowl at you and you bat for 200 balls and score 1 run. Tell the lion you want to score a century. The lion will die of terror and exhaustion.
· GEORGE BUSH Method
Link Lion to LADEN and shoot it.
SO there you go, seven methods to catch a lion and eight easy ways to kill it. ENJOY THE LION!!
First, Catch the Lion
· ARISTOTLE’S Method
Teach the lion the significance of tragedy in life and that being born was the biggest Miasma, and that he would soon be singing goat song (dithyrambos) if he lived any longer… after a few more minute of this, the lion will easily come to you and beg for ear muffs. That is a pretty good time to catch it.
· PLATO’S Method
This is for the times when the lion enters a cave. Just put a large stone, block the entrance, and voila! You have caught a lion.
· NEWTON’S Method
Let the lion catch you. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. That implies therefore that you have caught a lion.
· HAMLET Method
Confuse the lion by teaching it the “to be, or not to be” dilemma. While confused, catch it.
· LACAN Method
The simplest methods of all… just make the lion understand that he has lost his signifier. While he is searching for it, just lead him by the mane, promising to lead it to his signifier…
· BILL GATES Method
Catch a cat and claim that you have tested its potentials to be a lion, and very soon you will upgrade it into one.
· EINSTEIN Method
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired. Catch it then.
After the seven easy methods of catching the lion, let us move on to PART II Killing the Lion
· TERMINATOR Method
Keep warning the lion “ I’ll Be BACK!!” and kill him any day. The lion will live in fear and die soon of fear itself.
· MAMATA BANERJEE Method
Tell the lion that if it does not die you will leave the ministry. Lion will immediately not want to die, and opposition party will send mercenaries to kill it.
· MANIRATHNAM Method
Put the lion in a dark room and make sure the lion does not get sunlight. Light a single candle in the room and keep singing “ROJA JAANEMAN” in his ears. The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.
· GOVINDA Method
Dance for six days in front of the lion wearing lime green chaddis with crimson banyaans to weaken it. On the seventh day read the political party speech he gave in Mumbai. The lion will die of shame.
· KARAN JOHAR Method
Invite the lion to KOFFEE WITH Ki- I Mean KARAN and Grill it with stupid questions about his failed career till it dies of boredom.
· YASH CHOPRA Method
Send a lioness in the forest where the lion lives. Our lion and lioness falls in love with each other. Now send another lioness in the forest. Follow it by another lion. Now first lion loves last lioness, but second lioness loves second lion. The first lioness loves the second lion but the second lion loves the first lion. Now, send a 3rd lioness to the forest and wait for 10 years. You don’t understand, huh? Read it after 10 years, and you wont understand either.
· RAHUL DRAVID Method
Ask the lion to bowl at you and you bat for 200 balls and score 1 run. Tell the lion you want to score a century. The lion will die of terror and exhaustion.
· GEORGE BUSH Method
Link Lion to LADEN and shoot it.
SO there you go, seven methods to catch a lion and eight easy ways to kill it. ENJOY THE LION!!
My love for Legolus
Since I am more or less sure that My love for Orlando Bloom is virtually zero, I cannot but express the deep, abiding love that I feel for Legolus, the Elf, who won my heart through the several reads I allowed myself of LOTR.
The reason : unknown.
However, Sirius Black is an entirely different kettle of fish.
I think I prefer older men. Hmmm... if I decide to spend the rest of my pathetic life with one, I'll get early senior citizenship advantages... that bloody near made me burst a blood vessel with joy!!
Here's (sigh) to you, my bachelor sweetheart, and I really wish you'll never keep a beard.
regards,
the one & only
PANU
Discord
I search in silence,
Again and again
Looking deep down
Trying to
Understand
What or who is it
Who holds the key
To the lock.
I search in vain,
Knowing
That one day
That will come
To me,
And stay with me
For the rest of my life.
You're not the one
I am
Sorry to see
You go.
But you are really
Not the one I have
Been looking for
All these days.
Thats why I can
See you leave
Dispassionately
Staring at your pale face
And barely hiding
The bile
That rises from my belly to
My throat,
Making me shiver
And shake
Furiously
With my disgust.
And I watch you leave
I do not
Raise my head
As I hear the door
Clicking shut, softly.
The locks turn,
Close
And then the sound
Of Silence.
And everything has sobered down
To a Bare shiver of awareness,
With which I once again
Move forward,
Watching, waiting
Moving on
Cautiously
Testing the waters
And slowly
Giving in
To the sights and sounds that
Drown me everyday.
(C) P.B. 2005
Again and again
Looking deep down
Trying to
Understand
What or who is it
Who holds the key
To the lock.
I search in vain,
Knowing
That one day
That will come
To me,
And stay with me
For the rest of my life.
You're not the one
I am
Sorry to see
You go.
But you are really
Not the one I have
Been looking for
All these days.
Thats why I can
See you leave
Dispassionately
Staring at your pale face
And barely hiding
The bile
That rises from my belly to
My throat,
Making me shiver
And shake
Furiously
With my disgust.
And I watch you leave
I do not
Raise my head
As I hear the door
Clicking shut, softly.
The locks turn,
Close
And then the sound
Of Silence.
And everything has sobered down
To a Bare shiver of awareness,
With which I once again
Move forward,
Watching, waiting
Moving on
Cautiously
Testing the waters
And slowly
Giving in
To the sights and sounds that
Drown me everyday.
(C) P.B. 2005
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