As a Friend said...

I walk like I am on a hunt. Its intimidating to unsuspecting males/females.

This is the same woman who once told me she considers her body to be a burden sometimes. With its millions of problem.

I looked in the mirror today and found those extra curves in my butt and around my waist and on my arms. I realized that I don't mind them.

When I was growing up, my body was one of the most mysterious things I knew. Far from unraveling and exploring it, I shied away from the mirror, covered myself in clothes far too large for my body, and put on glasses. I greased my hair with coconut oil, and refused to feel pretty. Too miserable in my own gloom, I used to think I was unlovable and that was the way it was going to be. Thanks to the upper body that refused to subside. Or the lower body that never seemed to get "right".

I grew up under the shadow of my mother. Literally.

The family unanimously agreed on her prettiness. She was the very beautiful woman. I used to think so too. My mother was, and probably always shall remain, the most beautiful woman I know.

But I never found her to be the most incredibly attractive woman. Strangely enough, the definition of a firm cheekbone attracted me far more than the delicate turn of an eyebrow, and the strength in a staunch pair of shoulders made me feel more happy than a submissive pair of downcast eyes. I grew up to stare at my self in the mirror, squaring my shoulders, lifting my chin, and walking on straight, without an apology for being who I was. All beginning at age 15 when I realized I needed to be proud, and not ashamed of what I was and who I was.

And thus began the walk. I still walk, shoulders squared, straight, without apology. I know that my body has thousands of problems in it, fitness and otherwise, but I somehow realize that they are all mine.

And I am quite proud of it.

In Search of Protection

So a certain Someone told me... Girls should be liberated enough to be protected themselves, and therefore find and get protection whenever required.

"Okay then " I said. "Lets Go."

This certain Someone walked with me tonight to find it.

Here beginneth the epic tale of Panu's Quest for the Divine Protection:

So off we went... me and my friend...

Not in the locality. That was too obvious.

So we went to anonymity.

Episode One:

Pantaloons.


Goddamit!! S said.... they have sanitary napkins but I can't bleeding find them!!

"Thats because you are looking at the cookie section."

"I swear I found them here the last time."

"You never came here before!! You said that!"

"I did at Big Bazaar! They had!"

"Fine!!"

No go. Food, tissues, detergents, pencil-rubber... every section was meticulously looked into. No protection.

Disgusted and annoyed, I approached the sales lady. She was equally clueless, and her mortified pink cheeks were festoons of our temporary withdrawal.


Episode Two:

Jeevan

Jeevan. Ah the Portal of Trusted Life. Bring me the Protection!!

We walked with happiness as the light poured forth from the wide doors. I approached cautiously, with S at my heels.

And there were Old Men.

And there were Middle Aged Women with Shawls and Glasses.

I walked away with S. The Portal of Life was closed to us.


Episode Three

The UNKNOWN STORE

Disheartened, I moved with S to the grounds where she would find a chariot home.

We walked and we walked down the empty road.

And then we heard footsteps.

Men approached.

"Whatta Bum man!"

And my Great Rage began to build up. So did my Determination. I was going to be Protected or Else!!

And then.... Then There was the Store.


Episode Four:

The Purchase

We walked to The Store. There was a Young Boy trying to buy a Cure for Cold. And we waited patiently till we were served.

And we demanded for Whisper.

And then delicately put forth our need.

And met with Perplexity.

The man stared at us and said...

" I am sorry. We do not have that brand."

Nooooooooooooo!!

To be brought this far... and Spurned!!

We were Disheartened. Our Goal seemed Far away. Far Far away.

And then the man said... "However, we do have Something Else!!"

So we made The Purchase. And we were given a concession for our efforts.

And the man Looked as we were Shielded.

And then We truimphantly went Home.

Episode Five:

The Aftermath

Now that we were well protected, we let the story unto others. Women of all times, hear our plight and Protect Thyself. For in Protection you can Rely. And in Protection you can Prevent.

And here endeth our Heroic Tale.

The Memoirs of this Lamentable Mohila.

Mohila

Means Lady. Woman. Female.

I have been addressed as that quite a few times when I was around seventeen. Old and matured at my age, I somehow felt incredibly hurt when some men's eyes would slither all over me and then there would be the deliberate "brushing" against my body... even my forearms were erogenous zones. I hated the way they would comment on my newly and fully developed breasts, my bigger than average buttocks, and my ungainly looks.

"Mohilar jinis achhe guru... Mukh jodio dhuchunir moto..." (the Lady has Stuff to show, though her face looks like shit)

I would cringe sometimes. Sometimes I would try to put up an impassive face to show that they could not hurt me. Sometimes I would glare.

Tales of ineffectuality, that.

Yesterday, I'd just come back from a drive and my best friend had dropped me home. The cell phone's cash charge suddenly diminished to almost nothing, and panicking, I ran to the nearest shop. When I was returning, I found two men starting to comment.

"Jinis mama, jinis. Dekhechis?" (Stuff man, stuff. You See?)

"Dekhechi to dekhechi to.." (I see, I see!)

Comments went on. I was walking. Normal pace. No strange kung-fu stance, or anything. Inside, my body was burning up. I was seeing red as they continued to make comments like this for more than ten minutes. Finally, I decided to put a stop to this.

HALT! PAUSE! TURN!

I looked at two men. One was twenty. The other was younger.

They paused too.

Flash went my camera. Broad street. People passing by. They stared at me in disbelief as I lowered the camera phone.

"Ar ekta kotha bolle ei chhobita niye thanay jaabo ami. Nyakami hochhe?" (One more word and I go to the police with this picture. WTF?)

They begin to say something but I turned away.

I had no other options. Was what I did right? Was it?

All I could feel was my red blood boiling. And the problem was, my stupid camera phone was unable to process the request because of the light.

Its this....

Suki and me were walking all tralala at Shitty Shentaar and we found this. Right after that, I found hot top that she told me I gotta Have.

Is there some point where you scratch your head and look back and realize that the place that you just were was the place where once upon a time you believed in a lot of things, and then that place was just snatched from right under your feet, and you go, WTF rya??

A few days ago, I wanted nothing more to do with a lot of aspects of life, and now that I am inadvertently involved in it, I have no idea how to extract myself from it... mystified reader, you have my permission to officially desert this post and run the hell away.

System check : MET DOUBLETAKE DOUBLETHINK. I Like her.

Uh. Back to point one. Peep ree.... I lou you to bitty pieces. Can I immerse you in chocolate sauce and lick you? It will be novel and you shall squirm and go eki mairi (or you might end up competing with me to lick the chocolate, who knows?) but I sincerely need to do something THAT absurd to miss a beat nowadays... I am so totally INTHEBEAT now!!

Agh-race-Shun. BHOTEBHAR.