"Who is the third who walks always beside you?
When I count, there are only you and I together
But when I look ahead up the white road
There is always another one walking beside you
Gliding wrapt in a brown mantle, hooded
I do not know whether a man or a woman
—But who is that on the other side of you?"
---------------Eliot.
I follow the light and darkness is never further from me. I live my life like a lovesick clown in a bittersweet cartoon. I merge myself in the darkened alleys where I search for sudden piercing screams that fragments the silence that now chillingly wraps itself around my soul.
And I ask myself what I have become. And I constantly feel the dread and the despair which folds my self up with this haze of pain and forgetfulness.
And all I need is to be free.
Showing posts with label freedom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label freedom. Show all posts
February 13, 2009
November 13, 2008
November 2nd, 2008....
Dear ***,
Today I spent most of the day alone, sharing myself with cups of coffee and a television. Its strange when people tell you that you need some time some time alone to find yourself... and then never go away..... well, I think it does not work for me. I walk alone all the time. Despite my best friends and all, I know that I am alone, and I'm not really upset or afraid of it. Once I remember Chu speaking about it and I thought, for just a sec, maybe, just maybe, I was probably not cut out to be alone. But then I realized that I have been living it. And I like it way too much to actually settle down for sharing it. Maybe I'm too selfish to share myself now. Or its because I'm this alone and I don't think I'd like to change it. At 25, I am straight, happy and whole. It took me a long time to acknowledge, believe and understand that I was, but I am now quite pleased with the results. Its so simple... like solving an equation that you were too scared to work on because you thought you would fail. I realize that its not the world, its just my way. I shut people out. Because, after a while they begin to bother me and my space. I never say it. But I say something inane and let off. Maybe I am too dramatic here, but let me tell you something. Once You are aware that You don't need anyone but yourself with you, anyone sharing your space... You are ... free.
Today I spent most of the day alone, sharing myself with cups of coffee and a television. Its strange when people tell you that you need some time some time alone to find yourself... and then never go away..... well, I think it does not work for me. I walk alone all the time. Despite my best friends and all, I know that I am alone, and I'm not really upset or afraid of it. Once I remember Chu speaking about it and I thought, for just a sec, maybe, just maybe, I was probably not cut out to be alone. But then I realized that I have been living it. And I like it way too much to actually settle down for sharing it. Maybe I'm too selfish to share myself now. Or its because I'm this alone and I don't think I'd like to change it. At 25, I am straight, happy and whole. It took me a long time to acknowledge, believe and understand that I was, but I am now quite pleased with the results. Its so simple... like solving an equation that you were too scared to work on because you thought you would fail. I realize that its not the world, its just my way. I shut people out. Because, after a while they begin to bother me and my space. I never say it. But I say something inane and let off. Maybe I am too dramatic here, but let me tell you something. Once You are aware that You don't need anyone but yourself with you, anyone sharing your space... You are ... free.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)