I found my first diary today. It came from an era when I was a child... and I wrote down my dreams.
On a strange turn of thoughts, I decided to write down my present dreams.
I could not write them... the pen scrolled down meaningless letters that never made sense to me.
Showing posts with label delusions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label delusions. Show all posts
August 13, 2009
May 27, 2009
Apparently work is work....
And my blog has been called "dumb". By a friend who thinks its high time I give up.
As told recently in a conversation between friends, two of my friends have got jobs in the same company under the same boss and they apparently are yelling at each other because apparently P is saying "Thank you" when S had slaved over the solution and vice versa.
In other news, I have recently been thinking about dirty Bengali swear words. And a friend has been trying to teach some of them to non-bongs who just does not do it right.
And well, there has been an incident where a friend of mine apparently propelled a car with her puke. This means, she helped speed up the car by retching up a storm of slime from her gullet.
And oh, I have been thinking of going to Delhi in this heat.
The Grandmother thinks my blog picture is scary. I don't agree however.
Yes, well, never thought my blog was very smart, either.
As told recently in a conversation between friends, two of my friends have got jobs in the same company under the same boss and they apparently are yelling at each other because apparently P is saying "Thank you" when S had slaved over the solution and vice versa.
In other news, I have recently been thinking about dirty Bengali swear words. And a friend has been trying to teach some of them to non-bongs who just does not do it right.
And well, there has been an incident where a friend of mine apparently propelled a car with her puke. This means, she helped speed up the car by retching up a storm of slime from her gullet.
And oh, I have been thinking of going to Delhi in this heat.
The Grandmother thinks my blog picture is scary. I don't agree however.
Yes, well, never thought my blog was very smart, either.
January 20, 2009
Typecasts
Or people who are put in boxes.
So someone told me over lemon tarts last night. Black beans are supposed to be good for your health and eating a lean chicken breast everyday will decrease your weight. All this and more I learnt.
Andro called and we were going over the last months between the two of us. Somehow, these last months have flown by and I am officially in the fourth month of my work and have missed work for god knows how long but its okay because I am depressed anyway and its been a long day for me for quite some time now.
But what I realized was she's not changed a bit. But perhaps I have. I have changed myself and its been a continuous process for a while now. Its probably me growing up.
* * *
Someone asked me "Why are you not married?"
I answered, "Because I have found people I can live with, but no one I can live without."
It was an old quote. But I believe in it.
* * *
Randomness is perhaps the order of the day. Sometimes I wonder why is it so important to make things last and stretch beyond their limits. I was so angry a few days ago. I wrote a letter about it to friends, and I am putting up bits of it.
I watched as a guy threw his wife of 5 years out of the house while his girlfriend watched with a little smile on her face. And I had to talk to that frightened, hysterical, pathetic (yes, and i know its true, so there!) woman who took shelter with us for the night. My mother was thankfully not home. I hope this guy dies a most remarkable death one day, slowly and steadily, knowing every moment he is going to, and frightened of it. I can't think of a worse fate for him and i don't think i want to sully my thoughts by thinking of killing this fat, ugly monster. I do not care what she was to him or why he did what he did... but no woman deserves this. No Human Being to be precise.
But Do you know what she wanted? She wanted to beg her husband to come back to her. She could not believe that he was doing this to her but she wanted to beg to stay in that house, irrespective of the mistress. I was SO THANKFUL they do not have kids.
I somehow now feel quite detached about the whole incident. It has ceased to affect me. Now.
So someone told me over lemon tarts last night. Black beans are supposed to be good for your health and eating a lean chicken breast everyday will decrease your weight. All this and more I learnt.
Andro called and we were going over the last months between the two of us. Somehow, these last months have flown by and I am officially in the fourth month of my work and have missed work for god knows how long but its okay because I am depressed anyway and its been a long day for me for quite some time now.
But what I realized was she's not changed a bit. But perhaps I have. I have changed myself and its been a continuous process for a while now. Its probably me growing up.
* * *
Someone asked me "Why are you not married?"
I answered, "Because I have found people I can live with, but no one I can live without."
It was an old quote. But I believe in it.
* * *
Randomness is perhaps the order of the day. Sometimes I wonder why is it so important to make things last and stretch beyond their limits. I was so angry a few days ago. I wrote a letter about it to friends, and I am putting up bits of it.
I watched as a guy threw his wife of 5 years out of the house while his girlfriend watched with a little smile on her face. And I had to talk to that frightened, hysterical, pathetic (yes, and i know its true, so there!) woman who took shelter with us for the night. My mother was thankfully not home. I hope this guy dies a most remarkable death one day, slowly and steadily, knowing every moment he is going to, and frightened of it. I can't think of a worse fate for him and i don't think i want to sully my thoughts by thinking of killing this fat, ugly monster. I do not care what she was to him or why he did what he did... but no woman deserves this. No Human Being to be precise.
But Do you know what she wanted? She wanted to beg her husband to come back to her. She could not believe that he was doing this to her but she wanted to beg to stay in that house, irrespective of the mistress. I was SO THANKFUL they do not have kids.
I somehow now feel quite detached about the whole incident. It has ceased to affect me. Now.
November 17, 2008
Randomly Mine...
He dies everynight in the darkened room,
His breath stifled by my unheard moans,
He dies every night with his silence,
He dies in shades of grey and muted tones.
* * *
I am the one
Who strangled your dry voice in the dead of the night
Against my pillow where you lay
Your short spiky hair pinning my pillow with their strength
As I pushed you,
Your strong arms flailing,
Your male lips gasping, I do not know
Whether it was ecstasy you felt,
Or your voice screamed for mercy as I dealt you with the denial
Of your breath.
His breath stifled by my unheard moans,
He dies every night with his silence,
He dies in shades of grey and muted tones.
* * *
I am the one
Who strangled your dry voice in the dead of the night
Against my pillow where you lay
Your short spiky hair pinning my pillow with their strength
As I pushed you,
Your strong arms flailing,
Your male lips gasping, I do not know
Whether it was ecstasy you felt,
Or your voice screamed for mercy as I dealt you with the denial
Of your breath.
October 20, 2008
Dated.
Delusion and dreams. That is what is there. But its all about existence. Maybe existence is a dream. Or a delusion. Or maybe its a certainty. I am pretty non-committal that way.
Speaking of delusions, I believe randomness is delusion's hold to sanctity and sanity. What say you?
You believe otherwise. Or you might not.
Speaking of delusions, I believe randomness is delusion's hold to sanctity and sanity. What say you?
You believe otherwise. Or you might not.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)