Apparently work is work....

And my blog has been called "dumb". By a friend who thinks its high time I give up.

As told recently in a conversation between friends, two of my friends have got jobs in the same company under the same boss and they apparently are yelling at each other because apparently P is saying "Thank you" when S had slaved over the solution and vice versa.

In other news, I have recently been thinking about dirty Bengali swear words. And a friend has been trying to teach some of them to non-bongs who just does not do it right.

And well, there has been an incident where a friend of mine apparently propelled a car with her puke. This means, she helped speed up the car by retching up a storm of slime from her gullet.

And oh, I have been thinking of going to Delhi in this heat.

The Grandmother thinks my blog picture is scary. I don't agree however.

Yes, well, never thought my blog was very smart, either.

It hurts at first.

But then you learn to dull it. After a while it dulls. And then it slowly goes numb.

But it comes when you are weak and at your most vulnerable, and it shakes you up, pounds your senses so hard that you writhe in the pain.

And then it slowly dulls again.

You can't really tuck it in a corner and forget it. Its always there. Even in a meaningless dream.

Typecasts

Or people who are put in boxes.

So someone told me over lemon tarts last night. Black beans are supposed to be good for your health and eating a lean chicken breast everyday will decrease your weight. All this and more I learnt.

Andro called and we were going over the last months between the two of us. Somehow, these last months have flown by and I am officially in the fourth month of my work and have missed work for god knows how long but its okay because I am depressed anyway and its been a long day for me for quite some time now.

But what I realized was she's not changed a bit. But perhaps I have. I have changed myself and its been a continuous process for a while now. Its probably me growing up.

* * *

Someone asked me "Why are you not married?"

I answered, "Because I have found people I can live with, but no one I can live without."

It was an old quote. But I believe in it.


* * *

Randomness is perhaps the order of the day. Sometimes I wonder why is it so important to make things last and stretch beyond their limits. I was so angry a few days ago. I wrote a letter about it to friends, and I am putting up bits of it.

I watched as a guy threw his wife of 5 years out of the house while his girlfriend watched with a little smile on her face. And I had to talk to that frightened, hysterical, pathetic (yes, and i know its true, so there!) woman who took shelter with us for the night. My mother was thankfully not home. I hope this guy dies a most remarkable death one day, slowly and steadily, knowing every moment he is going to, and frightened of it. I can't think of a worse fate for him and i don't think i want to sully my thoughts by thinking of killing this fat, ugly monster. I do not care what she was to him or why he did what he did... but no woman deserves this. No Human Being to be precise.

But Do you know what she wanted? She wanted to beg her husband to come back to her. She could not believe that he was doing this to her but she wanted to beg to stay in that house, irrespective of the mistress. I was SO THANKFUL they do not have kids.

I somehow now feel quite detached about the whole incident. It has ceased to affect me. Now.

Decisions and Dread

So here I am sitting here

Watching the space between us,

And you are

In your own dreams

Lost in the shades of your life...

Oh I want to add an exceptional to the normalcy

That we live

And perhaps

Believe for a while

That this dream of mine lies here, right here,

And we are sitting across the skies and stars, this infinitesimal

Space between us,

Lost and not lost

Unbeknown to all, but here I lie and believe you again....

Sounds like....

Like a snowball revolving on and on........

I am here. I am nearly old. I am nearly old. I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.