A Liar's Guide to the Dreams..

In the dead of the night, the dreams come in one by one. They cling to you with soft acceptance, and they know it all..

These are the dreams which leave a note of remembrance. They cling to our tongues like a bittersweet delight.

They feel familiar, though their flavour melts in the mouth... and taste distinctly unusual.

January 31, 2007

The Fare of Intellect

Well, the winter is almost off Kolkata, but the chill left around the middle of December when the first Singur issues came over, followed by the controversy of book fair to be held in Maidan.

I love book fair. When I was 9, my aunt took me to the book fair for the first time, and I was hooked. It was everything I dreamed of and everything I wished for. My only regret was that I did not get enough time to browse through every bookstall.

I go to the book fair every year, without fail. Most of the time I go alone. I enter and get lost in the immense number of people moving in snail’s pace all over. What do I love the most? The books, of course. And yes, I like bumping into a celebrity and utter a half-muffled “sorry” before realizing that “Hallo, This is-------!!”

But this time it was to be shifted. The High Court believes that the book fair will be a great source of pollution, so it is to be shifted somewhere other than the Kolkata Maidan, right at the heart of the city. Yes, that's actually something I support. Despite the fact that I want the Book Fair to be held, I believe that it can be held anywhere… the “Sanskritik Paribesh” (Cultural Environment) is an essence that can be achieved anywhere, given the right attitude.

It is not fair anyway for any fair to be held in the Kolkata Maidan. But for three years our chief minister had literally bullied the law to gain permission for the book fair to be held in Maidan. Why is this?? Because the chief minister does not want to ruin the “culture” of the Bengalis.

What culture?? Is the culture not ruined when Bengali language is compromised in the schoolbooks?? Is the culture not ruined when Bengali filmmakers directly copy and paste Hindi movies, word & action and all?? Is culture not ruined when in the name of protest a farce is played out right at the heart of the city??

I shall not vent my wrath on this issue further. It makes me wonder why do the media make such a big deal out of the shift of the book fair. There has been shifts and changes all the time, and in time, acceptance shall come. To tell the truth, I know that only about 5% of the vast population that streams through the book fair actually come for the books. Most of them give an appearance to –

a. meet celebrities,

b. appear intellectual and well-read,

c. meet and hang out with friends,

d. sample food from the numerous stalls,

e. look with wonder what a huge funny Disneyland type thing is on, without the Disney bit hanging out.

And I love book fair. Yes I do. But this is not the way it should be held. It is becoming an issue of grave political power play and that is where the line should be drawn. I as a book lover would not ever support that.

Now for the other bit. I was watching the debate today after the high court passed the decision, and in the news channel, they were holding a sort of opinion poll. SMS after SMS came in favour of the book fair, and most of them have horrid errors. From the Cultured, Educated Bengalis who are trying to promote book fair in Maidan, here are a few gems:

1. Certainly it must be held in Maidan. We wan our bo ok far. (Ok-ay)

2. This is very humiliating for the books. (It is?)

3. We want proper athurity to juge. On it is not cultural program. It is only buisness (Go tell that to the authority)

4. Great decision. Its high time someone care about envoirnment. (Yep… we care about it too)

5. Congratulations to the high court for such a high decisions (oh, the lofty heights!!)

6. Bai Mela ekhon tarunder prem korar jayga hochhe. [yep. Bai Bai Baby]

7. If no book fair we deprive. Why we deprive? (what an intellectual question. Answers anyone?)

8. Yes kolkata book fare(?) should not be change. Maidan court of book fare. (ummmm………)

9. Maidane bhoy mela hog ager moto. (OOH, I am scared!!)

10. Book fair must must be allowed allowed in Maidan only. (I don’t don’t think so!)

And the winner is:

11. It is a very Sade case this loss of position.

By the way, the book fair is being held. At Yubabharati Krirangan ( Am too lazy to give you the link here.... go look up wikimapia for it) ..... and I am as happy as a lark because its less than 5 minutes from my home. By auto.

January 27, 2007

I think, therefore I Ask

I don’t know why the last few posts have been pathetically, wistfully, gloomy. I think I need to get laid… this is getting way too far. I mean, look at me.

I AM AN ABSOLUTE DISHRAG. I mean, What Am I? A Woman or a Wimp?



This is what I hate. I am a Wimp. A total wimp when it matters. In my life, everyone thinks I am all brave and stuff (Kaichu being one such unfortunate), but I am not. Not really. I am a wimp when the Aunty next seat in BCL raps at me to be quiet, and I don’t turn to her to say, “excuuuuse me Madam, but BCL is not your father’s house, understood?” rather, be content after mouthing a silent “beeyach” to Kamalika (JUDE, UGII)… and a wimp when the auto rickshaw wallah spanks my thighs while “attempting” to start the self-start (fucker) and I discreetly make the indistinct noise, ”Tchah!”. I am a wimp when a damn professor is glaringly incorrect but I refuse to open my mouth to correct him, I am a wimp when I refuse to make a rumpus when the heavy breather behind me presses his arousal against my buttock (I do stamp down hard with my ‘killer’ 4-inch spikes though… asshole!), and I am a wimp when the man who made me a mockery scraps me on orkut and tries to be all sweetness and light, because he needs to keep a clean reputation.

So this new-year, although a bit too late, I have decided not to be a wimp any more. I hereby solemnly swear, no more Miss I-Cant-Speak-Out-Coz-I’m-the-Reincarnation-of-Pollyanna-in-Real-Life.

And I need to ask one question… “Is a hot chick cool or a cool chick hot?” (As asked by SRK in a song promoting KBC)

Just emni.

And er, yes, I know I am basically hopeless and really, no post matches no post in content and action or stuff, but you keep coming back because you like/love/hate me, na? Don’t be indifferent. I hate it. All the time.


January 17, 2007

L is for the way...

“I’m not free. I never was and I never will be.”

“I know your flaws, but I can’t stop thinking of you.”

"Please, baby."

"Baby, please."

“Don’t lie to me. I know you too well. Please stop lying. Please.”

“I can’t stay. Not any longer. I can’t stay, baby.”

“Please, baby.”

“I am sorry.”

"This is not working out."

“I am so sorry.”


The pen falls, the lamps dim, and thin hearts stop beating. Love dies. Suddenly.

Do you know what loneliness is like?? It is worse, far worse than dying. Because death is a surety. You never know when loneliness hits you with the vast acres of open land inside you, and you suddenly realize how tired you are, how exhausted. All you want to do is have a night’s sleep… sleep that you need, sleep that you covet. But sleep eludes you. You stare hollow-eyed at the ceiling, waiting for something, anything. But nothing comes. Nothing happens. Nothing.

Love you. Love you. Love you so much. Its like dying, sometimes it hurts so bad that it feels like there is nothing beyond the pain. And beyond the pain, lies the peace. The peace that soothes and calms. The peace that comes after letting go. The peace that dulls the ache, and loosens the strings.

It did not work. It was not meant to, perhaps.

Good bye my darling. I will remember. But good bye for now.