In Search of Protection

So a certain Someone told me... Girls should be liberated enough to be protected themselves, and therefore find and get protection whenever required.

"Okay then " I said. "Lets Go."

This certain Someone walked with me tonight to find it.

Here beginneth the epic tale of Panu's Quest for the Divine Protection:

So off we went... me and my friend...

Not in the locality. That was too obvious.

So we went to anonymity.

Episode One:

Pantaloons.


Goddamit!! S said.... they have sanitary napkins but I can't bleeding find them!!

"Thats because you are looking at the cookie section."

"I swear I found them here the last time."

"You never came here before!! You said that!"

"I did at Big Bazaar! They had!"

"Fine!!"

No go. Food, tissues, detergents, pencil-rubber... every section was meticulously looked into. No protection.

Disgusted and annoyed, I approached the sales lady. She was equally clueless, and her mortified pink cheeks were festoons of our temporary withdrawal.


Episode Two:

Jeevan

Jeevan. Ah the Portal of Trusted Life. Bring me the Protection!!

We walked with happiness as the light poured forth from the wide doors. I approached cautiously, with S at my heels.

And there were Old Men.

And there were Middle Aged Women with Shawls and Glasses.

I walked away with S. The Portal of Life was closed to us.


Episode Three

The UNKNOWN STORE

Disheartened, I moved with S to the grounds where she would find a chariot home.

We walked and we walked down the empty road.

And then we heard footsteps.

Men approached.

"Whatta Bum man!"

And my Great Rage began to build up. So did my Determination. I was going to be Protected or Else!!

And then.... Then There was the Store.


Episode Four:

The Purchase

We walked to The Store. There was a Young Boy trying to buy a Cure for Cold. And we waited patiently till we were served.

And we demanded for Whisper.

And then delicately put forth our need.

And met with Perplexity.

The man stared at us and said...

" I am sorry. We do not have that brand."

Nooooooooooooo!!

To be brought this far... and Spurned!!

We were Disheartened. Our Goal seemed Far away. Far Far away.

And then the man said... "However, we do have Something Else!!"

So we made The Purchase. And we were given a concession for our efforts.

And the man Looked as we were Shielded.

And then We truimphantly went Home.

Episode Five:

The Aftermath

Now that we were well protected, we let the story unto others. Women of all times, hear our plight and Protect Thyself. For in Protection you can Rely. And in Protection you can Prevent.

And here endeth our Heroic Tale.

I am...

yet to become Mrs Lazarus.

A Letter

Dear Mandy,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but the mafia wants you . I think I realized it when we skinny dipped in your closet and I saw you pull the clothes off Bill Clinton. I'm sure you're Cowardly enough to understand that your pimples are at the last stage. I'm returning the cut toenails to you, but I'll keep my common sense as a memory. You should also know that I always wanted to break the apartment building.

Good luck on your short-term leave from jail

Panu



How you do the Letter Meme:

Dear (the last person who left a comment to your Facebook note/wall/anywhere):

I don't really know how to tell you this, but [1]. I think I realized it [2] [3] and I saw you [4] [5]. I'm sure you're [6] enough to understand [7]. I'm returning [8] to you, but I'll keep [9] as a memory. You should also know that I [10] [11].

[12],
-Your name-


1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
Other - With George Bush and his wife

4. What's the colour of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit at
Other - Drive out

5. What's the colour of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
House - Scarred
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
Other - Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy -
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I had a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyed - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What's the color of the walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name:
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain

ENJOY!!

Thenkyou Nylooo.

First name: Panu

single or taken: Its Single. Dammit.

sex: I wish.

birthday: 28th Sept.

siblings: Younger and pesky. Also known as "paintshop pro"

hair colour: Darkest brown

shoe size: Bata = 6. Others = 7

height: 5'3"

innie or outie: any discussion or information regarding the belly part is N/A. Not Applicable.

what are you wearing right now: Long bias cut skirt and a lovely dark red and off white top

righty or lefty:I'm Straight in general.

can you make a dollar in change right now: Vot? Na. Ami Amrican noi. Janina.

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relationships
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who are your closest friends? Piku, Chu, Pablo, D.

do you have a BF or GF? Er no. Not now. Thankyou.

best place to go for a date: A good coffee place.

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favourites...
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favourite place to shop: BAD QUESTION TO ASK A SHOPAHOLIC

favourite kind of pants: sexytightnottoolowjeans

favourite colour: Red, Blue and Black

number(s): 6

animal: Dogs.

drink: WATER.

sport(s): heeheehee.

fast food place(s): Kentucky Fried Chicken. I can sing songs about the place

month: October. In general. Pujor time.

current movie: currently its Singin in the Rain. I Loooooooooooove.

juice: lime

finger: thumb

breakfast: BACON. EGGS. MUSHROOMS. FRIED BREAD. LUCHI AR AALOO BHAJA.

favourite cartoon character(s): Flintstones. And Looney Tunes. Tom and Jerry.

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have you ever:
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given anyone a bath? Yep. Quite a few in fact. Stop perving.

smoked? yep.

bungee-jumped? wanna.

made yourself throw up? yep.

gone skinny dipping? yes.

eaten a hot dog? Yum, yep.

put your tongue on a frozen pole? I don't think I was shooting for dumb and dumber.

loved someone so much it made you cry? Yes.

broken a bone? no

played truth-or-dare? did.

been in a police car? Yep.

been on a plane? Yep

been in a sauna? Yep. extremely baaje jayga. never wanna go back.

been in a hot tub? not in company.

gone swimming in the ocean? YES!!!!!! OH LORD YESS!!!!!!!!!!

fallen asleep in school? not really.

ran away? Plenty of times.

broken someone's heart? yep.

cried when someone died? Yes.

cried in school? A few times.

fallen off your chair? Yes.

sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call? Yes.

saved e-mails? Yes.

fallen for one of your best friends? Yes.

made out with JUST a friend? Yes.

used someone? Yes. I dont think I want to again. Ever.

been cheated on? Yes.

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What is...
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your good luck charm? its a little ring from a friend.

the best song you ever heard? Lots lots lots.

the stupidest thing you have ever done? Oh well. Long list. I'm sure anyone who knows me can come up with different stuff.

what's your room like? A mess. I likit.

the last thing you said? You think this will work?

what is beside you? a lot of mails. and a gluestick.

the last thing you ate? chanachur.

what kind of shampoo do you use? Disney's Mickey Mouse as per last week.

the best thing that has happened to you this year? lotsa things. Ok.. Picnic at chu's.

the worst thing that has happened to you this year? Ore baba.

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have you had..
----------------------------------------

chicken pox? nope.

sore throat? yes, many times.

stitches? Once

broken nose? tried

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do you
-------------------------------------

believe in love at first sight? I do

like picnics? Love them.

like school? Yes.

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would you/what is
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eat a live hamster for $1,000,000 ? No. I won't

if you were stuck on an island, what people would you want with you? PEOPLE WITH A YACHT, a Navigator, and a bridge to Land.

who was the last person that called you? Ma.

who was the last person you slow-danced with? Karan.

what makes you laugh the most? I laugh for mostly no particular reason. Oh no wait... Chucky. I like laughing with her.

what makes you smile? Chucky. I like smiling at her.


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who was the last person
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you yelled at? Abir

who broke your heart? O baba!

who told you he/she loved you? Pablo.

who is your loudest friend? Pablo.

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do you/are you/Have you:
------------------------------------------------------------

do you like filling these out? yep.

do you wear glasses or contacts? Glasses and contacts.

do you like yourself? I do.

do you get along with your family? Trick question.

stolen anything over $50? Na.

obsessive? At times.

compulsive? Janina.

anorexic? No One WILL/CAN ACCUSE ME OF THAT

suicidal? NO.

schizophrenic? ew. no.

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love life
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this or that
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

coffee or tea: Coffee.

phone or in person: in person

are you oldest, middle, youngest or only child: Older and wiser.

indoor or outdoor: Outdoor.

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final questions
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how many people are you sending this to: whoever wants it can take it.

what are you listening to right now? tick tick tick.

what did you do yesterday? worked and then got a tattoo.

where do you want to get married? On a little cliff. so that if I change my mind I can jump off.

if you could change anything about yourself, what would it be? My Gullibility.

are you a good driver? no. I am terrible.

are you a good singer? Yes. to myself.

what do you dream about? Me.

Inking

Is a slight pain at the base of my back.