BHWOT In JU

One line Disclaimer that I will Write in deference to Fish : I Don't Like POLITICS. So I shall make this post as trivial as possible, because, Frankly, m'dear, I don't give a DAMN!!

Paint yourself in colors of your choice cause JU is having the BHWOTs. The frenzy started to begin about 6 days ago when I actually noticed (since I am the last person to notice notices and posters and placards et cetera) placards being put up for the various groups of Politics whose members regularly play Table Tennis and Carom in the UNION ROOM, all together generally. Its only before the Elections when these people dye their general T-Shirts in Team colors and go out to display them to others, half knowing what they mean (sort of like watching English Premiere League where all us Indian watchers contently back Arsenal, Chelsea, Manchester, or whichever team is winning at the time).

I really noticed the Bhwot business after Babelfish handed me a chit (that I thought at first was a super secret code that will devastate and decapitate the mortal world of us unaware fools) but after a look at the content, I realized that FATE was not that bizarre. It was just a piece of paper with weird names on it. Babel very patiently explained their cause, and I nodded (to my utter bewildered delight) at all the right places.

Today was our DAY. So I put my alarm at 8.45 a.m. sharp in the morning so that I can get there real early and cast my bhwoting rites as a loyal and righteous JUDEian.

Unfortunately I slept through my alarm. When my sleep-misted eyes opened it was already 9:45 a.m. and I realized I was LATE!!

So I took the fastest route to University, which, apart for my Ecjams or ADG’s class I Never take. The bus carried my bulky self like a little storm and WHOOSH! I was ready to exercise my rites.

Entering the college was harder than it looked. The gate was flanked by members of both the major contestants who reminded repeatedly to vote for number “two two two” and “one one one” on my voting paper. This started from college gate and continued to the corridors where the two and one gained more vigour. I walked as briskly I could, accepting all the chits thrown towards me and went to the sanctuary of my class.

Hoimoi!!! Volunteers who frowned upon my sorry self infested that place that I love the most in my University. My only consolation was that Arrow was there as well. I hereby declare that I am in love with you, darling Arrow, if you by chance stumble upon this. I will make a leash out of that beautiful mane of hair one of these days, my pocket … er… this is not the place to start a blazon (that's a courtly catalogue of the Petrarchan Beloved’s beauty) on Arrow.

So I was packed off by one of those over helpful ones who wasted no time in directing me to the room where the Bhwot co-ordinator sat in all her glory. I entered and saw the faces of Iru, Ari, Rajjo and Sreoshi who grinned right back. We were given the sheets. I immediately ticked off mine and then coerced Iru by tickling him (So there!! I did some rigging!!) shamelessly till he agreed readily to everything I said.

Just after getting out, I led some confused (for confused, read Unwilling) Bhwoters, who just wanted me to stop prattling, to the classroom and made them Bhwot as well, Debojoy and Denial being a few of the significant ones. I fell one short of class Darida, Anik, whom I almost managed to pull inside (by his shirt sleeves, no less), but stopped at the last moment as a very cautiously amazed Cassmortmain looked at the pair. Not wanting to put a bad impression on her idea of a safe, nice Bhwot, I let go (very reluctantly though).

Happily (for we were one of the firsts to BHWOT, we ran off to the BALCONY where cigarettes were immediately lit (boo for non-smokers). Deep was indolently sitting at a corner, to whom I grinned and declared my relief: “Doesn’t it make you feel like a spanking piece of a*se??” Deep grinned and bore that comment with courage taking all the wind out of my sails : “Swapanda tomake dakchhe” (Swapanda is calling you)

Me!! Why Me?? Hoimoi!! Hoimoi!!

I gathered up all my courage, singing dithyrambs (incidentally, it translates from Greek into “goat-song” that were the origins of the tragic chorus) in my mind. Bravely, like Mary Queen of Scots to the execution, I approached The Godfather’s room.

Enter Stage Left: Panu

Panu: Sir A-a-ashbo? (May I come in?)

Don: Na na candidate noy amar student chai!! (No No I don’t want the candidates, I want a student!!)

(Great. Now I am a candidate. Hoimoi!!)

Panu: Iye, Sir, ami Student. (Er, sir, I am a student)

Don: Bhwote diyechho?? (have you bhwoted?)

Panu(in a rush): Hyansir!! (Yessir!!)

Don: sabbaike niye Abar fire jao… tomra keu broadsheet e sign koroni!! Na korle tomader Bhwot cancelled hobe!! (Take everyone and GO BACK to the room and sign the Broadsheet, or your bhwots will be cancelled!!!)

Panu: ah… yessir!!!

I ran. To others. Gathered them up and took them to be slaughtered… er… signed.

Then the Don entered the room. Everyone was silent, watching the fearful symmetry of the pointy beard.

Don: Shoi korle?? (Did you sign?)

Panu: ah.. yessir!!

Don: Sabai? (All?)

Panu: yessir!!

Don: Kata Jaal korle?? (How many did you copy??)

Panu: I-Uhhhhh….

Exit Don, Stage Right.
Here I end my experience with the Bhwoting process. The post-bhwoting included me calling one certain white sleeveless bloused spectacled personality “Tonks!!” and her winking back at me… but then……

The Miracle Worker

My friend (coz he is actually, though not my closest one... he he) Ani has made possible impossible. Er, I mean, Impossible Possible. He has received an 81% in his first semester. What he has not done is stop studying for this sem, because it is pretty much not required to study for all the sems when you've picked up enough marks in the very first sem to pull you through the next three.

Instead he had attended a SATURDAY class of Queer Studies on Edward II in which we all teased him unmercifully and he constantly said, very modestly of course: Stop na!! When will all of you forget this thing?? Pleassee!! This is sooooooooooooooooo embarrassing!! (accompanied by bowed head and rosy bristly cheeks)

Basically, before I go any further, I should describe Ani's nature... He is this wonderfully sweet and incredibly nice guy, always nervous and somewhat adorably frantic person with long, almost hypnotic, bony fingers that I love watching. And oh, an apalling handwriting!!(though no worse than mine...)

He is very sweet when he talks nervously and frantically, like a little lost lamb. One of these days, I would really like to take Ani home and feed him some nice food... he sorta inspires my maternal instinct, I guess.


Supriyadi Said:
In front of me & Rajarshi... thats the really thin fair PGI guy, a new recruit), and I quote: he is perhaps one of the best students we have had in 10 years.
Moreover, to MM's thoughtless comment, "is he an outsider?" she looked at him with quiet contempt and said..."What do you mean by OUTSIDER Manojit???"
This was followed by a joint Aoaaj (Howowwoowwowowowooooooo) to Ani from me, Babel, Mou, Deep, And the lot, while Cassy watched with an indulgent smile on her face.

Moreover, when Tintinda saw the Marks, he said:Hyannn!!! Pelo ki kore????? (What??!!?? How DID he get it?)

Rimidi Smiled and said : Shanghatik bhalo koreche!! (Horrendously well done)

And our dear Anti-Lacanian just apologetically smiled and said with full proper care to me: amar Sapho Ekkebare hoyni. Ki je kori... (My Sapho is just not done. What to do...)

Another fine day, really.

Oh, for more comments on this highly marked guy, check out Rimi's blog.

Bhyalentine De Bashonti

Okay... so this post is concerned with the last week when, since they would'nt be able to roam around with me on V-day, people started to take me around to give me a nice 'be-single-its-good' treat. The first one was on 7th when my best buddy A took me to watch Rang De Basanti with her. No... this will not start one of those arguments over the making of the movie... I will talk about the hazards of seeing a movie in Kolkata. I will enumerate only the top 3features that readers might find similar to their own experiences...

3.LOST AND FOUND :

At precisely 5 minutes before the movie was about to start, A called. "Honey, where are you? I am at the cinema hall... I can't find you anywhere."

Panu: " So am I. Where Are you?"

A: " Am right in front of the hall."

P: "So am I. Where are you? I have the tickets with me. The show's about to start in 5 minutes."

A: "Can't be. Its not 1:00 yet."

P: " No its from 12:30. Dammit where the hell are you?"

A: "Am right in front of M*****. Where are you?"

P: "OH F*** b***** you're in front of the wrong bloody Hall!!! I am in front of N****!!!"

A(panics): "What do I do NOW??"

P: "Take a cab. FAST!!"

A: "Right. OK... "

Result : The first time we were about 20 minutes late to the show.

2. THE STORYTELLER:

In every movie one must encounter one sordid creature who takes great relish to spoil. One of them (on the net is RIMI) by chance sat next to me and then started the double narrative:

1) Film: Captain Ajay Rathod (R MADHAVAN) is carried by all the other guys in a mock-funeral march.

Spoiler: Ebaar o shotti more jaabe!! (now he'll really die)

Panu seethes but Amir is onscreen... so she refuses to let a marauding bi*** get to her.

2) Film: Amir Khan & Siddharth kills the defece minister.

Spoiler: Ebaar o Radio Statione giye bolbe orai murder koreche (now they will go to the radio station and confess their crime) (her partner gives a little "Tai?" after this disclosure).

Panu is really mad... but refuses to stoop so far to grace these lowly mortals with an answer.

1. THE ADDA

The ugly scene of Riot goes on .. the whole hall is silent and mourning...

Suddenly silence breaks with two dimwitted twitsters who decide to discuss their individual happenings

Dimwit 1: janish tarpor Srijonike giye amra sabai jiggesh korlam... tui ki really oke eta bolechis??(do you know, after that we all asked srijoni whether she did tell him that?)

Dimwit 2: O ki bollo? (what did she say?)

D 1: O bollo je na, actually naki o boleni... hee hee hee hee...( She said no she did not say that actually...)

Panu: Amarder bhul hoyeche cinemata dekhte esechhi... eta to adda maraar jayga... Tai na?? (We mistkenly came to see the movie... this is a place to chat, is'nt it?)


Anyway... for those who want to know if I enjoyed or hated the movie... for them here's my answer.... YES!! I did!! After Mangal Pandey's disappointment, RDB is DEFINITELY an improvement.