Three Weddings, a Cell, and a Name

Those of you were thinking Panu would take another year to recover from the horror of Kriish, guess again! Here is the one and only, everyone’s truly... ambling on with her rambling self again. And this time there is plenty to ramble about.

I always thought that naming people could be eminently easy… here in Kolkata, a name is one of the easiest thing to find. I found mine with my great-paternal-aunt-grandmother (i.e. she was my father’s great-paternal aunt) Rajlakshmi Devi. Unfortunately, the name also brought its side effects, one of which is the direct result of my blog name, given to me by my aunt, S***** B********… I mean, imagine yourself being called Panu (means ‘Porn’ in Bengali, for the advantage of those who didn’t know) all your school, college and University life… especially when your family did not know the meaning of Panu, though they are Bengali sods through and through. But put yourself in my position, and imagine you being called by that name all over an amusement park by your uncle, and people looking with scandalous amusement at the defaulter of civil laws, not to mention some parents who put both their palms over their children’s ears… and at the end of the days just going and telling your uncle what exactly the implication of your name was. And then watch him blush despite his Brown-skinned complexion.

Well, er, where were we?? Oh right… the naming.

So dear professor asked… What should be she named… My little daughter… what Identity should I give her?

Name. Name. Name.

They came by bags, by dozens, by thousands and hundreds. I looked and looked over… and finally chose a few that I wanted him to contemplate.

The final five were -

Srutipriya, Spriha, Taijasa, Shaipatri, Supoorna.

And then came the selection time.

Srutipriya (Someone who loves listening)

Advantage: Knowing my professor, I would say that will have to be an essential virtue for those who live with him.
Disadvantage: She wont be able to spell it (both in Bengali and English) before class V.

Spriha (Zeal)

Advantage: same as above
Disadvantage: too short. And it can be shortened to Spree… that sounds like a new cold drink.

Taijasa (According to the Upanishads, the second last stage of the greater consciousness)
Advantage: lovely meaning. Very deep and all that.
Disadvantage: can be shortened to Taijash… and then taijashpatra… that is the sanskrit for Bay leaf.

Shaipatri (Erm… meaning unsure… something to do with a friend)

Advantage: sounds lovely.
Disadvantage: can be shortened to shoi… that’s the Bengali for autograph.

Supoorna (Well completed)

Advantage: lovely meaning. Completed in a good way and all that.
Disadvantage: will be shortened to Supu in school and soup in college. I really don’t think someone wants to get stuck with a name that's compatible with ‘sweet corn chicken’.

On another note, after 117 days of rigorous saving and scraping her precious money, Panu is now the proud owner of a new NOKIA 6600. Yay! Future blog posts will be hopefully a bit more scenic.

And finally, on to the BIG NEWS!!

Firstly, I shall warn you people who still are patiently reading this post that the following things happened on the span of 29 hours… from 2.00 a.m. of 12th July to 7.00 a.m. of 13th July. Off we go!

2.00 a.m. Panu gets a call from a very odd number.
“Hello.”
“Hello this is S***** here hon, guess what I am doing now“
“Huh! Oh yeah, you’re at San Francisco???”
“Yes… and I am Married!!”
Panu sits up on the bed. At wide alert mode.
“Married?? To whom?”
“B*** stupid! Who else?”
“Congrats!! I am so glad for you two.”
“Here, he wants to talk to you.”
Phone is handed over to B***
“Hey”
“Hi!”
“So you are the famous Panu who’s been bringing my S***** to sense. All I can say is Thanks.”
“No probs… treat S***** right or else!”
“Sure! Anyway, we owe you a big deal, Panu.”
“Oh please---“
“No really…”
Panu at this point of time hears the phone being snatched over. The voice of S***** comes back.
“Hon, would have chatted more… but you see…”
“No No! You guys… please… put the phone down… your phone bill… must be skyrocketing.”
“I’ll call you later. And I owe you one.”
“Yeah, enjoy babe.”
“BYE!!”
-click-
S***** was the first crush I had. When I was in class 6, and he was in class 12. After 6 years, I found out he was gay. Early last year, he was cut up about his break-up with a married man, who used him abominably, and for which he attempted to commit suicide, and would have succeeded perhaps. I am no Mother Teresa, but I cant see a guy hurting. So I counseled him for a while and he left for USA. Later last year, he met B*** and fell in love all over again. Brad’s a bit older, but I know they will be happy. Don’t ask me why. I just do.

That day, I was supposed to attend a distant cousin’s marriage. So I fell asleep planning what to wear with my sari.

9.00 a.m.

Phone rings again. A groggy Panu picks it up.
“H’lo”
“Panu I’m getting married, come over right now.”
“Yeah right” -–slam—

Phone rings again. Irritation laces Panu as she picks up the damn cell.
“Hello??”
“Hello, I’m Sayanti’s Mother speaking.”
Panu knows this voice.
“Hello Kakima”
“I think you should come over. Sayanti’s getting married.”
“Huh!??!”
“No joke my dear. The marriage was fixed Sunday night at 3.00 a.m. We are still calling people up. Come over please… I need more helpers right away.”

The day closed into night with a strange sense of unreality. I saw a dear friend getting married to a man she had known for only three days. She was so mature all of a sudden. Was this the same Sayanti who had been wearing a pair of shorts and a spaghetti top only a fortnight back? I looked and searched for the girl, and found the woman, chanting along with the priest in a strange, heavy voice. At night we joked, we made comments to the new bridegroom who was equally cool and casual. And when she left, I felt empty. The ruins of the marquee in the community hall was strangely bare, and I who had always been a jewel for making comments realized I had nothing to say to all that went on for the day and the night. Nothing at all. I just felt… strangely… relieved. As if, there was hope for me too.

Kr-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiish

Down the rivers of Baby-lone this porno-loving beeyach went to spend her hard earned money on yet another muscle-bound flick because it was a boring saturday afternoon and she had nothing else to do.

So she was snared by fellow wannabe profess-whore Anni who dragged her to the nearest sleaze-theatre where every song was greeted by dudes dancing on the seats, and the first sight of the STAR earned him roars of appreciation and Sities (I.E. Long, pronounced whistles). Twice Panu's coke was spilled because the arse-jerk beside her had to scream "Hrithik!!!"

This Offended Panu. Seriously, did he think Panu was so ignorant as to not know whose flick it was?




Please!

And though I know Indian blogsphere is protected by a certain jock-slapping-fat-arsed-haute-beeyach with fabulous complexion (enough to give me a complex), but someone had to take up the position Shaktiman left off and Hatim wasnt really cutting it. Places like tank.com called Kriish the most awaited Hrithik movie, the sequel to the famous spastic superdream Koi Mil Gaya, that made the word alien second famous in the hindi dictionary, the first one being Jaggu.... erm Jaadoo (name of that particular alien who was featured there, means magic).

And after seeing it I can say that those of us who love hindi films taken to the levels of absurdity by copy-paste should go and see Kriish.

Remember Paycheck?? The Ben Affleck flick?? A computer that can see the future?? There.

Remember Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon??? Those IMPOSSIBLE leaps made by Chow Yun Fat, Michelle Yeoh and Zang Ziyi?? There too.

Remember Spiderman?? The spider-walks and hangs??? There as well.

Enough Remembering. All in all, the morale of this story is never cross no spastic papa who has a wannabe superhero at home.
But anyhow, the only saving grace of this movie was the star. It was enough to see that Hrithik's long absence from the movie world has not lessened his ability to act. He still can. Very well indeed. And he was the sole reason why I did not walk away after viewing the first half. And maybe because I loved the cinematography.

And perhaps because I loved the muscles.... what flesh...

I should get laid. I should.

I mean, I have been reduced to watching Chunkey Pandey on filmy channel on a sunday evening!!

Help....