Of MarriageS and MayhemS

The Saga Continues…

So then the day before wedding arrives, and we were all very happy for finally getting rid of our 26-year old BIG, SPINSTER SISTER who Married for Love. Ma and other Aunts & Uncles suitably gasped and choked when they came to know this 3 years ago when Rinidi declared she had no intention of making a match with any handsome doctor since she had Sougata dada who loved her. Unfortunately, love and marriage did not mix.

First, the Astrologer predicted a suitably horrible end for Sougata dada if he married before he turned 28.

Result, DELAY!!

Second, the biyebaris (marriage-houses) nearby were full on 10th of December. Since that was the only time last year when Sougata Dada was not abroad, well you can guess what the result was again.

Yep, DELAY again!!

Third, on February, when Sougata dada (from now on mentioned as Gata) was in town, Rinidi’s Ma declared the royal NO because Suman, Rinidi’s younger brother had exams.

Therefore, the wedding was set on May 1, 2006. MAY DAY!! MAY DAY!!

On 30th April the Aiburobhat for Rinidi was set. Aiburobhat s are big things for us original EastBengalis (which means we are originally from East of Bengal, now called Bangladesh, and we support the Football team East Bengal), and Rinidi’s was no exception. The feast was set lavishly for 73 people, including the drivers and photographers. We all helped in serving, and looking after, as in “bhalo kore khachho to??” (Are you eating properly?) Or “ar ektu mangsho… na korle sunchhi na.” (A bit more meat, and I wont take no for an answer), and food went off the plate to the mouth in the blink of an eye.

Then we danced off the night, doing an inpromptu cha-cha-cha with Chandrabindoo, and me and tinni did a little lesbian Salsa with Kishore Kumar and Item songs. Fun began when everybody, including grandparents began dancing.

* * *

Meanwhile, a new force has joined the Hyderabadians from hell. My cousin from down under (i.e. Australia), and his parents have come down specially for the wedding, and wonder of wonders, what have they brought for us from Kangaroo Land??

Packets of Koka instant noodles. Lots of them. 140 to be exact.

When asked WHY??? They replied, “toder sakolke biyer breakfast eta diye karabo bhebechhilam” (we thought we would feed you all with this as a wedding breakfast)

*Incidentally those who are shuddering at a Ramen Wedding breakfast, let me assure you, for Indians, the breakfast is not the feast. The feast begins at night, before/while/after the bride & groom gets married*

I would have understood chocolates, but Ramen?

Meanwhile, the Hyderabadian Hulk made comments…

Panu comes fresh out of shower, a Dhundhul scrub in her hand that was used to scrub her body off dirt and dead cells.

*Incidentally, the dhundhul is the fruit of the dhundhul plant, containing seeds within, and looks slightly like a giant cucumber, brownish cream in colour.*

Hyderabadian Hulk – Uff P di, you look hot…

Panu(perplexed and bewildered, looks downwards at her generously proportioned bod)- where??

H H – oi, tomar haate eta ki?? (Oi, what’s in your hand?)

P – err… chhobra… ? (er, scrub…?)

H H – O. ami Dildo bhebechhilam. (Oh, I thought it was a dildo)

Panu cringes. Yes, that Panu who never thought she could flinch from anything, actually shudders as she thinks of her body being brutally scrubbed by a Dildo look alike.

* * *

And then the night came for Rinidi, looking suitably radiant for all of her 5’ no inches, 77 kg body that was hefted up by not two, not three, but six men to go 7 times round Gata’s 5’6”- 55 kg frame before she revealed her face for Shubhodrishti (charmed gazing of bride and groom).

And then there was the Madhuri Dixit ishtyle shoe stealing, that has been a part of Indian weddings ever since the movie, Hum Aapke Hai Kaun. In this case, it was a shoe-robbery, when one of my sisters tore her shoe, sat and threw me a single shoe, and told me to run. I ran, ignoring my jewel pink saree and 3-inch high stilettos and threw it to a brother, who threw it to another sister who ran. Meanwhile, old men & women from the groom’s side raised a ruckus (sore losers that they were!!), and Gata trapped Rinidi behind closed doors and said, ”Juto ferot dao, bou ferot pabe.”(return shoes and take back the bride)

And then Panu went to DA RESCUE. Amitabh style, she crashed through the semi-closed bathroom door into the room, and before Gata’s very eye, and bewildered “eki!! eki!!s (What’s happening!! What’s happening!!), the whole Baashor (post-wedding night staying awake ceremony) party came in, and settled down. Gata did not take the defeat gracefully, settling into a sullen silence. But we made masti (fun) all night long, singing, dancing and Dumb Charading.

In short, the wedding night was done when we got the fruits of our labour, Rs 5000 from Gata in the morning and a promise to a treat at Barista.

Lovely Wedding, hmmmm??