A Liar's Guide to the Dreams..

In the dead of the night, the dreams come in one by one. They cling to you with soft acceptance, and they know it all..

These are the dreams which leave a note of remembrance. They cling to our tongues like a bittersweet delight.

They feel familiar, though their flavour melts in the mouth... and taste distinctly unusual.

March 23, 2006

Ramblings of Panu-star

Today I was talking to good morning, midnight about our normal blog patterns when she said a curious little thing.

“ Ar Blogging korte bhallagchhe na re…” (Don’t feel like blogging no more…)

Somehow, a curious lethargy is spreading. I feel like screaming sometimes… there is no one who would listen. Its depressing the way I lead my life… my blog is the evidence. I take life WAY too literally and get kicked in the guts all the time.

Sorry folks, guess Panu is in self-deprecating mode again!!

Anyway, I should tell all who would believe (for this is kind of unbelievable) that I will be on TV. The reason for not believing me would be the date. 1st April. On that day, I will be on ETV Bangla at 6:30 p.m. sharp. For those who would want to recognize me, look for the young sidekick dressed in BLACK.

The whole episode took place a couple of weeks ago, when I ditched a couple of queer studies class to hitch a ride to the ETV studios where I was supposed to take part in a game show, Shashurbaari Bonam Baaperbaari (needless to say, the game seriously challenged my intellectual capabilities and took heavy tolls on my nerves and deducted at least 2 years from my rapidly dwindling life).

I went. I saw. I conquered. I saw bright lights and stars after the first battle. The second made me lose my temper, and I held on to my wits for the third. What struck me were two things:

1. My Matchmaking Mother immediately tried to pair me off with the “handsome” (according to her) singer on the show, without a single thought of him being married with two kids.
Her defence: tui to lamba cheyechhilish?!?! (You wanted height?!?!)

2. They had a 3-feet tall person who was my dance partner. And I, a modest five-feet four…

There is no fairness in life. At least, not for me.

Reader, consolations should be in order.

March 21, 2006


My sister, at the ripe old age of Eleven and half is in love with a Japanese doggy demon called Inu Yasha. The worst part of the matter is that no amount of teasing, tormenting or bribes has stopped this nonsense. It was okay when she fell in love with Dinosaurs and then Pokemon, but then, it was not like this. This time, I'm afraid, its true love. She says, and I quote word perfect: "When I see Inu, my eyeballs turn heart-shaped."

Excuse me now when I gag.

The next bit is a bit more on the non-accusatory ishtyle, Meg and I also watch Ranma 1/2 together, and guess what? Ranma, the protagonist, a boy, becomes a girl when he comes in contact with cold water(or water at room temperature) and turns back to a girl when she(?) comes in contact with hot water. Sister says : "I am really confused about his/her gender."

And how I agree...

Oh Dear Darling Dastardly Demon of a sister mine... how you are growing up.

Is this the little girl I carried??

March 06, 2006

BrokenBack... Mount-ten

And here I was thinking everything was near-perfect in this perfect Romeo-Juliet studded world when suddenly last night, thank you illegal, pirated CD dealers and my Cable Distributors, I saw this am-a-zing flick. Brokeback Mountain. And did it ever break the mould. I was getting pretty sick of the chick flicks people generally have in mind for me, just because I once professed a love for Casablanca, Singin' In the Rain, & Pride and Prejudice (the BBC version with Colin Firth in it). They completely overlooked my love for Polanski's Macbeth, Kurosawa's Rashomon, Renoir's The Rules of the Game and American Beauty. Brokeback Mountain made me feel better after a long time.

The story is simple… boy meets boy, boy loves boy, and then… boy leaves and finds other pleasures of life… like riding of the other kind. For those who wanted the story, go watch it I say. It will, perhaps, induce a better response for those whom you call ‘homos’, or as Dad called it ‘Poduwa’ (that’s Bengali for you-know-what). What did the film signify to me?? It signified the arrival of a new trend, of the be-sympathetic-to-gays-they’re-human trend. It has been going on for the last few years… starting from the response of Boys Don’t Cry, leading to Monster and continuing still to my topic. I can say that the best film I have seen on this particular topic till date is Robin Williams-Nathan Lane film, The Birdcage, adapted from the French La Cage Aux Follies. The screenplay did not sympathize with the subject matter of cross-dressing, homosexual relationships, or drag queens. It made no apologies in being who you were, and showed how to be proud of oneself. In some ways, when in the end, Robin Williams brings Nathan Lane in front of Gene Hackman and says, “This is my wife.” with pride ringing in his voice, that is when I suddenly feel stupid tears in my jaded eyes.

In Brokeback Mountain, what struck me was Heath Ledger. He has matured a LOT since those days of chick flicks like Ten Things I Hate about You, The Patriot and A Knight’s Tale. I realized his capabilities as an actor in Halle Berry Oscared Monster’s Ball where he played Billy Bob Thornton’s gay son. Here, in Brokeback Mountain, he is beautiful. That is the sole expression I have for him. The encounter he has with his partner, Jake Gyllelhaal is short, but notable is the tasteful way Ang Lee handles the passionate and tender scene. Ang Lee is someone whom I respected in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, but he is simply too true in his method of handling. There is a scene where Heath Ledger, the ranch hand, is lonely, and miserable… he misses his partner (and yes I forgot the name of Jake Gyllelhaal in the movie cause I was busy looking at Heath’s abs… perfection!!)… He inhales the scent of his partner from this jeans shirt the partner used to wear. What I saw was the way Heath Ledger’s eyes registered the longing and the acknowledgement of the loss simultaneously. I am being poetic, but his expression was priceless. There was something else in there perhaps… a smidgen of angst, maybe?? Or was that my eyes’ mistake??

In the end, I would like to point out two things. Brokeback Mountain got an Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay, and Best Director, which is a great achievement for Ang Lee, as he is probably the first Asian director to get an Oscar for a film (I missed the Academy Awards, and saw only the end of it). I hope it would be Shekhar Kapoor’s turn soon. He was highly underrated for Elizabeth. Incidentally, Crash got the Oscar for Best Film.


Can you hear the heart break?? CRASH!!!

March 05, 2006


Since I have been tagged by both Rainbeau Peep and ru, I have decided to join the team and tag other unsuspecting creature. I tag Good morning Midnight, Roy, JAP, Still Dancer, “SEN”sational, Deep, Srin and Illusionary.

The tagged victim has to mention 8 things that they want in their perfect mate, and they must mention the sex of the person concerned.

So here I was at Big Bazaar yesterday, deciding on the mighty decisions that were plaguing me… as deep and thoughtful as George Bush’s reason for kissing a baby for all to see {Michael Jackson, eat your confused heart (and some other sections in the process) out!!} and yes, the Kid leather Ballerina shoes that I finally bought was WORTH the bloody (being the apt choice) price I paid.

EE-ni-way, where was I??

Oh yeah, Big Bazaar. And I saw the PERFECT MAN!! He was 6 feet two, handsome as sin, with the purrfectest little cleft at the bottom of his chin. I fell in love with him at sight. On closer Inspection, he proved to be a honorable man, great with kids and completely willing to love the love of his life.


My Song has been slightly inspired by Salt-n-Pepa’s Whatta Man.


My Man should be easygoing, nice and not uncool,

Should know his own way, he’d be nobody’s fool.

Thoughtful and smart, yet not shy to learn more,

Must clean my home, and mustn’t be a big bore.

Share with me his wit, his pleasures, and his pains,

Remind me stuffs that I always forget to name,

Would be my lover, my friend, my strength and all,

And should be at least in height, six feet tall.

That's all that what I want in my perfect mate,

The rest of this BIG matter I leave to FATE.

Copyright @ p.b. 2006

P.S. A little extra… since hope, that foul, deceitful thing asks for more… he should love my family, too.