Trials.

At this moment it is numbness partly and part hysteria inside me. A part of me cannot still come to terms with the fact that you are gone. Whatever you were, I loved you. With all my soul I did. I don’t apologize for it; neither do I hurt because of it. Truth be told, a part of me will perhaps always love you because it is fated for me to love you. I cannot help but love someone who is so much a part of me that I do not miss you really. Any moment I want to talk to you or be with you I can actually, because I know what you would say or you would do, and all I need to do is believe.

But there is another part of me here. It is that part which initially balked at the thought of going away from you. It was the part which was afraid and tired, a part that hated getting all her fears realized. But then again, it has been done to me over and over again. All the world tells me that there is someone who loves me intensely and I feel it inside me, the bond, that I know would not tear away. We are soul mates, and you know it too. I used to think that all the others were inside me, but you, you have become me and I have become you, and I know that you would not meet, love, or call me because you dare not. We are too narcissistic for each other, my love, because we are each other.

Just as I know now that in some part of this world you exist now. You don’t live, because you cannot live without me, just like I cannot live without you, but existence is there for both of us. We are hurt, torn and sad, but it won’t stop us from knowing that the bond would be there. I would reach inside me and pull you out, and you would pull me out and show me to others, but keep what I really am inside you because you won’t share the real thing with anyone, just as I won’t share the real you with anyone.

This moment, I feel the tie, I feel your call. And I know that with one call I can resolve the issue. But this time I would not call you because if we are fated to be together, then we will. I am strong enough to realize that in this life I will be buffeted by fate, chance and other misdemeanor; a healer’s natural accompaniments.

I am not running away. I am going because I think it will help me heal myself if I go away for a while, and it will heal you too.

Inshallah. If god wills, I will see you, love you and believe in you once again.

Tearing Up The Page

At this moment I am deleting you from me. But then again, rubbing you off would not make me forget the lessons I have learned from you. And it pains me to see you now, because you would never be able to measure up to what you lost.

Welcome to your new life my love. You are welcome to it.

I cannot rub the page out of my life. But I can tear it. Because tearing it off is more violent and destructive and at this moment I feel the ruination running through my veins. I would like to eat you up and ingest you. But then again, you shall think that is too much of my passion and you are too afraid of me anyway.

So Run Away. Run Run as fast as you can. Because I won't follow. Not this time. Not this time.

Enclosing Comment

"Wouldn't the world be great if we could all have what we deserved? But then, you deserve a slap and I deserve chocolates. And both of us are getting exactly what we deserve."

JInx

I met my Mado today. She was given a ring.

Oh well, another one of my conquest.

Happy New Year

And I adore love you Adam Lambert.

A song with no name for lack of imagination

janish janish janish. I love you.

just toldyou because I feel so confused and tired and I dont know maybe if my life wasn't going down the drains like it is now

I would not be sniffing and crying in front of the comp right now trying to picture your face in my mind's eye, and just feeling helpless. s****ms****m isn't it just a drearypainful thing to be helpless, knowing there's no one just no one who's out there to save you?

and yes, rescue syndrome is on.

but I can't help stop the visions of paradise. why why whyandwhy am i feeling like this i dont know. just tell me that i am not alone i am not alone feeling lonely and pained because the man i love is showing me pictures of another woman in throes of an orgasm.

I cant i canticant take this. dont ask me where the pain is going.

I dont know but i will probably go mad if i haven't already. tell me just tell me that i am not alone. i cant get no happiness re. no happiness. keno jani na keno jani na.


In the years to come, this shall be a memory too.