A Liar's Guide to the Dreams..

In the dead of the night, the dreams come in one by one. They cling to you with soft acceptance, and they know it all..

These are the dreams which leave a note of remembrance. They cling to our tongues like a bittersweet delight.

They feel familiar, though their flavour melts in the mouth... and taste distinctly unusual.

December 16, 2005

And here I am, typing aimlessly and staring at the keyboard.

Another brick on the wall.

And another time when the teacher won't leave me alone.

Especially when I am trying to know the name of the bloody poems that contains such alien lines as found in my Exam Question paper.

Especially when my head feels like a mini-vibrator, throbbing and throbbing without any relief as I hunt for the new gel pen with which I destroy the virginity of the pristine white sheets that gaze back at me, reflecting my mind, which has gone blank.

I never expected myself to perform today. I felt no urge to perform today, because I did not feel the need to do so. Corny, huh? But then again, I think the only saving grace I have in me is that I am painfully honest to myself, and to be just that, I did not want to give this exam at all! It’s strange, because I take on exams like I take on everything else in life… without any seriousness at ALL!! And I suddenly realized today, that I am sick of this constant routine of study-exam-study-exam-study-… well, this never-ending chain that eats me up all the time.

Anyway, those of you were reading this with the illusion that this is some kind of funny blog that would send you off smirking, well, boo for you!!


And to come to terms with this newfound knowledge, I went to the terrace to meet my wonderwall in the whole wide world, because I was feeling room-antique and bone-weary… the moon. And what do you know? Today the bluish white moon showed his damn pretty face (and yes, my theory is that the moon is a man) and smirked at my misery, not responding back like he usually does, just watching me back and showering me with moonlight, but as usual, this time he did not soothe me, calm me down, or love me. All he did was stare, like he was daring me to make a move first. So I did… I got down to the TV room and watched pathetic dances on StarOne (Nach Baliye). And it so damn irritated me that before the jhoojhess could make any comment, I simply left.

And here I am, listening to Linkin Park and feeling partially sated because at last the damn headache is gone. And that is all that matters tonight… I daresay I shall survive, but I guess am getting a tad jaded for all my years. But then again, perhaps this is the age to be jaded, and I have the satisfaction of knowing that I’m not the only one to feel so… Em’s leaving music.

How low can a day go?

Perhaps this is the way it’s supposed to be. All these years, and I have finally stopped pretending to have a happy ending. The fairy tale’s come to an end, and I’m left holding the glass slipper that will never fit.


babelfish said...

ok, the ending to my fairy tale goes like this...throw the glass slipper really hard at the person who deserves it most *this will usually be the Prince Charming*, then grab a pair of running shoes and do a Julia Roberts!!

I shall now run away before that glass shoe is thrown at me!!

panu said...

good point ... remind me to bring it to class.