I got this tag from Ruby.
1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Partied like crazy. I never did it before. And yes, became superficial. Very.
2. Did you keep your new years resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I kept my new year resolution of finding someone. I did. I lost him too. I would make another one for the coming year. Of finding absolution.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes. Muniadidi.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes.
5. What places did you visit?
I visited Jabbalpur for my best friend's wedding. Without the adultery bit. Did not do much sightseeing, though.
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
I need to run away. Somewhere. I could not do that in 2007 though I tried.
7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
13th April and 21st May. Why? Both has to do with someone whom I am proud of.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I got a job. And I was damn good at it.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I lost a friend. Or someone I thought was a friend.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes. I did. Quite a lot of that.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My Laptop.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Chu's. I love her because she deserves it.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and/or depressed?
Kheps's. I would not lie anymore. Not to myself, not to others. I never expected what he did to me, and I shall not forget it any time sooner.
14. Where did most of your money go?
On clothes, food, and my laptop.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I got excited about Cassini's Division. And I got excited about my job too.
16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
Carnival of Rust - Poets of the Fall.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Its fleeting, re. All these emotions. I don't know... I think I am on a different level of emotions altogether.
18. Thinner or fatter?
NOT TO BE DISCLOSED. CONTENT SUPPRESSED.
19. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I wish I had done more travelling.
20. What do you wish you'd done less of?
I wish I had not mourned and been sad about someone.
21. How will you be spending Christmas?
Already spent it at a party and then followed up by cooking lunch and getting drunk as a skunk in a funk.
22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
No. I gave up on it.
23. How many one night stands?
One night can't be spent standing...
Ah really, you think I will answer that? Mairi!!
24. What was your favourite TV programme?
This was the year of watching very less TV. But still, Jamie Oliver ruled.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Yes I do.
26. What was the best book you read?
Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Guy
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Cassini's Division.
28. What did you want and get?
I got passion.
29. What did you want and not get?
I did not get love.
30. What was your favourite film of this year?
Taare Zameen Par.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Distributed chocolate at work place. Went out to the club, and got drunk because I turned 24.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Getting through M.Phil
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Zany.
34. What kept you sane?
Determination. And a lot of friends.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Amir Khan.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Nandigram.
37. Who did you miss?
I missed a lot of people. A lot. They all matter and I am exhausted just by thinking about them.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Its a tie. Dhruva and Pablo.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
Don't believe the truth. Very Oasis.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
My life..... Is nothing but this Carnival of Rust.
I am tired of this. Tired of everything I guess.
I want out.
Come on, hit me with a car so I can get amnesia and a new life!!
December 29, 2007
December 27, 2007
Joyful Joyful Joyful.....
Yes so the ordeal is finally over now. I am this close to being SUPERFATWOMAN of the year, because the last few days’ menu comprised of Lard, Fat, Bacon, Cheese, Butter and all things that should be banned by the rulebooks for being so yum.
Yes, right, this is a sort of food post. I seriously should look for a career in the gastronomical delights section of life because there is no one (and I proudly say that) who can be compared to me for eating and feeding people during this Christmas. And that too, without making any dessert at all.
Oh so it began when I carried around 3 pounds of beef pickle to my Prof’s place and played carom all evening over that and mulled wine. Prof and I gel well, so over the rapidly disappearing pickle, he sort of asked me to open the fridge, see what’s in it, and make whatever’s suitable out of it.
I went. I opened. I gaped.
Delight of delights! There sat an unopened, queen-size pack of Lindt Milk Chocolates.
At this point, I really do not need to go ahead and say that I put my face into that luscious mass of melting delights and sort of… licked and sucked and nipped and gulped. Maa… that was like… like getting kicked in the teeth and electrocuted in a good way. And Oh, then the Prof and I sort of settled down to talk over fried chicken and fine alcohol (My man, the Jack) and his wife came over and watched me with awe as I finished the entirety of the Lindt.
Yes, well, I have taken up walking and Tai Chi again.
And then there was The Pain.
My eyes suddenly began to itch. I have no clue why, but they sort of went cold and red. Sir declared I have a cold, and I said… NONONO I don’t … I so don’t (because I have all the plans made and nothing can go wrong now, can it?)
Oh it can. Resulting into me wearing a pair of OLD glasses to one of the snazziest parties of the year.
AH me! And oh, the hacking cough to go with it. Just my luck to get one day, I repeat, One DAY, off in one year, and it turns out to be glassy.
And I came back to my friend’s place and promptly fell asleep, only to wake four hours later to run back home because I needed to cook lunch.
The lunch was fabulous. I made Rum-Glazed Chicken… a slight deviation from the Original Roasted Turkey and Ham and Whatnot. I shall provide the recipe because I know that a few people reading this blog have an insane urge to cook and eat…
SO what you need is a chicken of considerable size (three pounds/1.3 kgs should just about do it)… prepared for roasting (i.e. without the icky squishy liver and other bits innit, and with the skin intact). You wash the chicken and check if there are any feathers sticking to the skin of the chicky. If so, take em out, I say! Then what you do is, make that headless baby sit tight while you bash up and chop about 10 large cloves of garlic, and mix it with a couple of tablespoon of marmalade, a tablespoon or so of honey, some salt, pepper to taste, a teaspoon of dried rosemary, and about 2 tablespoon of French mustard. At this point, let me tell you that I MAKE MY OWN MUSTARD but feel free to use any good brand available to you… you can even substitute it with kashundi which is Bengal’s answer to mustard. Now what you do is, sort of loosen the skin of the chicken from the meat around the breast and the thighs. This is a slightly tricky thing… but what you need to do is work around the cavity of the chicken, make a little cut on the skin, and then put your finger inside the hole and push it good!
Then comes the part that I love… The Bacon. I sort of put in the mixture that I made all over the chicken and give it a nice backrub. And then I cram as many slices bacon as possible inside the little pouches I made between the skin and the meat. This generally means around eight slices… but I keep around 12 in handy because after stuffing it, I put the remaining in the baking tray, beside the chicken.
The oven, meanwhile is on at 200 degrees C. I take a baking tray, smear it with A LOT OF BUTTER…(and I am saying this with a straight face, I am) around 1/3rd cup, and make the fat baby sit there with her kids around. For kids, read onions… as many possible, quartered, and (preferably) fried in some of the butter. I also put in the remaining bacon, and begin roasting.
About fifteen minutes later, I open the oven door, take out the remaining bacon gracing the sides… and nibble on them while the chicken’s being cooked.
About fifteen more minutes later, I turn my baby on its stomach, and allow him to bask in his glory. At this point I add around half a cup of rum around and over him, to make sure he tans nice.
He smells nice, too.
Then the oven is turned down to 180 degrees C and the chicken is allowed to cook till its soft and juicy and the pan is full of mostly charred onions… and the Burnt Crunchy Bits are sticking to it. Let me tell you, there is nothing more heavenly on this earth for some people to scrape out the Burnt Crunchy Bits and gobble them down. They basically rule, because you don’t know if its bacon or onion or any other goodies you get. Around 5 minutes before taking the chicken out, I sort of arrange a few cocktail sausages around the chicken and pour a lot of rum over them again to make sure they look and smell Rummy. And then I carry the whole lot out to the table and carve the chicken while everyone watches in rapt anticipation and reverence.
I cant go on like this. My Christmas dinner was basically a cocktail of drinks and medicine (oh, the hacking cough continues) followed by a massive hangover that spilled over the next day…
Yes, I sort of hate Christmas. Not for the food and friends and fun though. Just that, I still wait for some miracle to happen, when I am waiting alone in a dance floor full of gyrating people, or when I am walking alone to Park Street, or when I’m getting by with a little help from my friends.
I loved Christmas this year, though. It was made marvelous by the people around me. And it sort of brought in my view that though I can’t fight these tears from coming, I still can make it with these miraculous people around me who love me. And I can live with that.
Yes, right, this is a sort of food post. I seriously should look for a career in the gastronomical delights section of life because there is no one (and I proudly say that) who can be compared to me for eating and feeding people during this Christmas. And that too, without making any dessert at all.
Oh so it began when I carried around 3 pounds of beef pickle to my Prof’s place and played carom all evening over that and mulled wine. Prof and I gel well, so over the rapidly disappearing pickle, he sort of asked me to open the fridge, see what’s in it, and make whatever’s suitable out of it.
I went. I opened. I gaped.
Delight of delights! There sat an unopened, queen-size pack of Lindt Milk Chocolates.
At this point, I really do not need to go ahead and say that I put my face into that luscious mass of melting delights and sort of… licked and sucked and nipped and gulped. Maa… that was like… like getting kicked in the teeth and electrocuted in a good way. And Oh, then the Prof and I sort of settled down to talk over fried chicken and fine alcohol (My man, the Jack) and his wife came over and watched me with awe as I finished the entirety of the Lindt.
Yes, well, I have taken up walking and Tai Chi again.
And then there was The Pain.
My eyes suddenly began to itch. I have no clue why, but they sort of went cold and red. Sir declared I have a cold, and I said… NONONO I don’t … I so don’t (because I have all the plans made and nothing can go wrong now, can it?)
Oh it can. Resulting into me wearing a pair of OLD glasses to one of the snazziest parties of the year.
AH me! And oh, the hacking cough to go with it. Just my luck to get one day, I repeat, One DAY, off in one year, and it turns out to be glassy.
And I came back to my friend’s place and promptly fell asleep, only to wake four hours later to run back home because I needed to cook lunch.
The lunch was fabulous. I made Rum-Glazed Chicken… a slight deviation from the Original Roasted Turkey and Ham and Whatnot. I shall provide the recipe because I know that a few people reading this blog have an insane urge to cook and eat…
SO what you need is a chicken of considerable size (three pounds/1.3 kgs should just about do it)… prepared for roasting (i.e. without the icky squishy liver and other bits innit, and with the skin intact). You wash the chicken and check if there are any feathers sticking to the skin of the chicky. If so, take em out, I say! Then what you do is, make that headless baby sit tight while you bash up and chop about 10 large cloves of garlic, and mix it with a couple of tablespoon of marmalade, a tablespoon or so of honey, some salt, pepper to taste, a teaspoon of dried rosemary, and about 2 tablespoon of French mustard. At this point, let me tell you that I MAKE MY OWN MUSTARD but feel free to use any good brand available to you… you can even substitute it with kashundi which is Bengal’s answer to mustard. Now what you do is, sort of loosen the skin of the chicken from the meat around the breast and the thighs. This is a slightly tricky thing… but what you need to do is work around the cavity of the chicken, make a little cut on the skin, and then put your finger inside the hole and push it good!
Then comes the part that I love… The Bacon. I sort of put in the mixture that I made all over the chicken and give it a nice backrub. And then I cram as many slices bacon as possible inside the little pouches I made between the skin and the meat. This generally means around eight slices… but I keep around 12 in handy because after stuffing it, I put the remaining in the baking tray, beside the chicken.
The oven, meanwhile is on at 200 degrees C. I take a baking tray, smear it with A LOT OF BUTTER…(and I am saying this with a straight face, I am) around 1/3rd cup, and make the fat baby sit there with her kids around. For kids, read onions… as many possible, quartered, and (preferably) fried in some of the butter. I also put in the remaining bacon, and begin roasting.
About fifteen minutes later, I open the oven door, take out the remaining bacon gracing the sides… and nibble on them while the chicken’s being cooked.
About fifteen more minutes later, I turn my baby on its stomach, and allow him to bask in his glory. At this point I add around half a cup of rum around and over him, to make sure he tans nice.
He smells nice, too.
Then the oven is turned down to 180 degrees C and the chicken is allowed to cook till its soft and juicy and the pan is full of mostly charred onions… and the Burnt Crunchy Bits are sticking to it. Let me tell you, there is nothing more heavenly on this earth for some people to scrape out the Burnt Crunchy Bits and gobble them down. They basically rule, because you don’t know if its bacon or onion or any other goodies you get. Around 5 minutes before taking the chicken out, I sort of arrange a few cocktail sausages around the chicken and pour a lot of rum over them again to make sure they look and smell Rummy. And then I carry the whole lot out to the table and carve the chicken while everyone watches in rapt anticipation and reverence.
I cant go on like this. My Christmas dinner was basically a cocktail of drinks and medicine (oh, the hacking cough continues) followed by a massive hangover that spilled over the next day…
Yes, I sort of hate Christmas. Not for the food and friends and fun though. Just that, I still wait for some miracle to happen, when I am waiting alone in a dance floor full of gyrating people, or when I am walking alone to Park Street, or when I’m getting by with a little help from my friends.
I loved Christmas this year, though. It was made marvelous by the people around me. And it sort of brought in my view that though I can’t fight these tears from coming, I still can make it with these miraculous people around me who love me. And I can live with that.
December 20, 2007
Tis that Time of the Year Again...
For those who are unaware, let me tell you, I. HATE. CHRISTMAS. Mother Mary Made a Mistake. We are paying for it.
Woteva.
I know. I sound mean and nonreligious and is probably fit to be tied and hung by the thumb or even worse parts of my anatomy... a shiver runs through my body by the very mention of those kind of stuff.
Ah well. The other day I realized that this world is pretty messed up and all around us food is being wasted while people out in Purulia are dying because they do not have anything to eat.
Woteva.
I mean, who cares? Do you? Do I? Do we care if we know that street girls are raped by men at the age of 4 and most of the times it is their fathers who do that? Do we care if we Learn that .... Oh, in Sonagachi, there are nearly ten thousand sex workers out of whom around 70% are underage?
Woteva.
And here we sit in the sty of our contentment and drink rum and sing songs and dont really care even if we realize that someone out there is sitting by a little fire made with old newspapers and cardboard pieces gathered from gutterside and nodding his head in silent approval of some rhyme that is all in his head.
And winter is upon us.
Woteva.
And someone out there is working, hunched over, trying to fix a broken carburettor for ten rupees at the end of the hour, so that his little boy can have a piece of Christmas cake at the end of the day.
My days and ways are losing focus. I wander through the city's belly and look around. In some corner I find a group of men snorting brown sugar and laughing out loud.... Their nasal laughs turn my stomach as I pass them and they pass comments.
And the old bookshop I used to go to whenever I hit College Street is gone. Street fights got the old man who ran it killed. Its being turned into a Engineering Books stall.
Season : Winter.
Time : Yuletide.
Its the time. It is flying away now. I hope this too shall pass.
Woteva.
I know. I sound mean and nonreligious and is probably fit to be tied and hung by the thumb or even worse parts of my anatomy... a shiver runs through my body by the very mention of those kind of stuff.
Ah well. The other day I realized that this world is pretty messed up and all around us food is being wasted while people out in Purulia are dying because they do not have anything to eat.
Woteva.
I mean, who cares? Do you? Do I? Do we care if we know that street girls are raped by men at the age of 4 and most of the times it is their fathers who do that? Do we care if we Learn that .... Oh, in Sonagachi, there are nearly ten thousand sex workers out of whom around 70% are underage?
Woteva.
And here we sit in the sty of our contentment and drink rum and sing songs and dont really care even if we realize that someone out there is sitting by a little fire made with old newspapers and cardboard pieces gathered from gutterside and nodding his head in silent approval of some rhyme that is all in his head.
And winter is upon us.
Woteva.
And someone out there is working, hunched over, trying to fix a broken carburettor for ten rupees at the end of the hour, so that his little boy can have a piece of Christmas cake at the end of the day.
My days and ways are losing focus. I wander through the city's belly and look around. In some corner I find a group of men snorting brown sugar and laughing out loud.... Their nasal laughs turn my stomach as I pass them and they pass comments.
And the old bookshop I used to go to whenever I hit College Street is gone. Street fights got the old man who ran it killed. Its being turned into a Engineering Books stall.
Season : Winter.
Time : Yuletide.
Its the time. It is flying away now. I hope this too shall pass.
December 14, 2007
Time Flies...
Its been a year, na?
More than that. Its been a year and more.
And I admit it, I fell for You. You were everything I ever dreamed of.
But then, I could not match the real You. I could not. I tried to find You but I failed. I tried to find You in so many men but I failed. Because You are in my mind, in my soul, in my heart. Heart of my heart, You remain inside, and I have been looking for You everywhere.
I am stupid.
But now I know. I know that You will never come. Because You are already there. Deep inside me. You are there for eternity because You are immutable. A concept.
I shall let you rest. You are there, I know. Let me move on. Because I have realized that You were something I created. You were a myth.
You........ were a dream.
Now I shall wake.
Come to me.
"And I was desolate and sick of an old passion...."
More than that. Its been a year and more.
And I admit it, I fell for You. You were everything I ever dreamed of.
But then, I could not match the real You. I could not. I tried to find You but I failed. I tried to find You in so many men but I failed. Because You are in my mind, in my soul, in my heart. Heart of my heart, You remain inside, and I have been looking for You everywhere.
I am stupid.
But now I know. I know that You will never come. Because You are already there. Deep inside me. You are there for eternity because You are immutable. A concept.
I shall let you rest. You are there, I know. Let me move on. Because I have realized that You were something I created. You were a myth.
You........ were a dream.
Now I shall wake.
Come to me.
"And I was desolate and sick of an old passion...."
-------Dowson
It hurts to breathe. But I need it to live. And I shall.
As usual.
As usual.
December 09, 2007
Tagged again.
Now Suki does it. Ok I say.... Well this is interesting I guess... Lets see what it entails.
Ten things I'll do by thirty....
First of all... Let me go ahead and panic and say.... OMIGOD I shall be thirty in SIX.... SIX.... SIX... years.... Ooooohkay..... lets see what I want to do.
10. I want to sky dive. Or bungee jump. Or both. Reason? I have vertigo.
9. Get myself a Tattoo. A proper one, preferably from Goa.
8. That means, I will be going to Goa. WHICH is again, on my list. And I want to stay in a shack there... A proper shack.
7. Make love.
6. The previous comment sort of brought us to the eternal question... Who with? I hope to find the right person to do it with. Right, here I would like to comment on the damned luck I have when I go around looking for the right person... and end up with The Jerk. The Other day I was sort of running an experiment of calling people up and asking them... Erm do you think I fall for the Jerk? I ran this through Andro, Kaichu, D, Peep, Manzy... and guess what? Apart from Manzy, all of them agreed that I fall for jerks. Manzy sort of tried to save grace by saying.... "You fall for the wrong type."
I am stupid. I fall for arrogance. Shit.
5. Live. Alone. Without the family. Oooof, I can't take the family no more.
4. Slim down. Yes, I have had enough with the curveball jokes and the bump-and-grind jokes and the big woman jokes.
3. Be romanced. The way I want to be. Proper courtship.
2. Make people look at me with respect in their eyes. Because I have earned it (With Aretha Franklin singing it in the background...)
1. Fall in love.
Yes, I know. I am stupid. And yes, I am romantic, and allthat. But tonight I saw my Adt get married. My best nerd of a friend... head of the high school priss club... the girl I loved because she was the best defensive strategy planner ever. And looking at her today sort of made me realize that time's a-wasting. I went to the party for a few hours.... because I could not bear not to go. And when I was coming back.... Sayani was in the car with me, staring outside... her eyes were blank. I knew what she was thinking... I was thinking the same thing....
What am I doing?
Its such a question of a question for a girl to see someone she loves fall in love and marry. It makes her biological clock go CUCKOO-CUCKOO-CUCKOO within her soft shell. I wish I was not sentimental. I wish I was not this nyaaka. But it DOES NOT HAPPEN. Really. It makes me wonder even more What the Effing Hell am I doing with my life and is it worthwhile?
Yanyway.... back to my post.
10 things I should be grateful for....
These are not marked... simply because they have no right or left order.... no priorities. Because all of them are sort of equally important.
Ten things I'll do by thirty....
First of all... Let me go ahead and panic and say.... OMIGOD I shall be thirty in SIX.... SIX.... SIX... years.... Ooooohkay..... lets see what I want to do.
10. I want to sky dive. Or bungee jump. Or both. Reason? I have vertigo.
9. Get myself a Tattoo. A proper one, preferably from Goa.
8. That means, I will be going to Goa. WHICH is again, on my list. And I want to stay in a shack there... A proper shack.
7. Make love.
6. The previous comment sort of brought us to the eternal question... Who with? I hope to find the right person to do it with. Right, here I would like to comment on the damned luck I have when I go around looking for the right person... and end up with The Jerk. The Other day I was sort of running an experiment of calling people up and asking them... Erm do you think I fall for the Jerk? I ran this through Andro, Kaichu, D, Peep, Manzy... and guess what? Apart from Manzy, all of them agreed that I fall for jerks. Manzy sort of tried to save grace by saying.... "You fall for the wrong type."
I am stupid. I fall for arrogance. Shit.
5. Live. Alone. Without the family. Oooof, I can't take the family no more.
4. Slim down. Yes, I have had enough with the curveball jokes and the bump-and-grind jokes and the big woman jokes.
3. Be romanced. The way I want to be. Proper courtship.
2. Make people look at me with respect in their eyes. Because I have earned it (With Aretha Franklin singing it in the background...)
1. Fall in love.
Yes, I know. I am stupid. And yes, I am romantic, and allthat. But tonight I saw my Adt get married. My best nerd of a friend... head of the high school priss club... the girl I loved because she was the best defensive strategy planner ever. And looking at her today sort of made me realize that time's a-wasting. I went to the party for a few hours.... because I could not bear not to go. And when I was coming back.... Sayani was in the car with me, staring outside... her eyes were blank. I knew what she was thinking... I was thinking the same thing....
What am I doing?
Its such a question of a question for a girl to see someone she loves fall in love and marry. It makes her biological clock go CUCKOO-CUCKOO-CUCKOO within her soft shell. I wish I was not sentimental. I wish I was not this nyaaka. But it DOES NOT HAPPEN. Really. It makes me wonder even more What the Effing Hell am I doing with my life and is it worthwhile?
Yanyway.... back to my post.
10 things I should be grateful for....
These are not marked... simply because they have no right or left order.... no priorities. Because all of them are sort of equally important.
- My school. And my college. And my University. I respect you, I love you. You gave me build. I do not know how I would have survived some years without your grace.
- Friendship. They have lifted me up when I was in need. They have sheltered me when I was weak. I cannot tell you how much I adore you.... but you know who you are and what you mean to me for simply being there... be it on the other end of the phone, or the other side of this world. For those moments of demolishing a tuna sandwich together, or loitering around in search of kaash phool, or drinking and singing at Oly, or walking miles and miles anywhere... with no direction home, or working together in utter silence, feeling the presence of the other right beside me.
- My room. Its me. Its mine. Its all I have. I can make it or break it as I want to. It does not reject me.... ever. It makes me who I am... and I mess it up as much as I want to. Its my mess and I love it. Aamar ghore aami raani. And my pets who adorn it. I love my Ghotu. Oolikibaajepakhilebaba!!
- My books. Beautiful... you are. All of you. I love you to the point of obsession. I adore you... I worship you. You are what I look for in the end of the day...
- Monty Python. Terry Pratchett. Neil Gaiman. Alan Moore. Borat.
- The Sister. Though she was a result of Absolute Bloody Carelessness in the Parents' part, she gave me a lot. She takes a lot too, but thats for another post when I am pissed with her. Right now I am wearing a little pearl pendant she gave me once. Its beautiful. And she saved for months for it. Makes me want to think sometimes. About me. About her. About how I would stop myself from beating her into a pulp.
- Andromeda. For giving me grace. And for the walks.
- Kaichu. For never mincing the truth.
- Pablo. For scolding me, fighting with me and for giving me long lectures.
- Resilience. With which I can tolerate Andromeda's nyakaami(I daresay I want to slap her sometimes when she snivels and goes Boo Hoo), Chu's eating habit (And trust me I want to put her on a DIET so fast....), and Pablo's Dramabaaji (He should SO be in a Bangladeshi cinema).
December 08, 2007
Me and my Shadow
Ok I have been tagged by people.
Rules:
1. Put your MP3 player on shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write the name of the song no matter what. No cheating.
(In place of comments, I post a line from each song that seems to be apt for the post)
IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY”? YOU SAY?
Stupid Girls - Pink
baby if i act like... THAT!!
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Papercut - Linkin Park
Its like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
Its like the face inside is right beneath my skin
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Testify - Rage Against The Machines
Your temple it calms me
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Hallowed be Thy Name - Iron Maiden
Catch my soul cause its willing to fly away
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Ripple - The Grateful Dead
If I knew the way I would take you home
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Saawan me Lag Gayi Aag - Mika
Sune na sune na paagal diwaani...
Aaj na soya saari raat dil mera haay....
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Bholi Surat Dil ke Khote - Lata Mangeshkar
Naam bare hai darshan chhote
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Psycho Monkey - Joe Satriani
Er this has no lyrics. But the title sorta explains everything.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
La Tortura - Shakira
Ay amor me duele tanto (A love hurts both)
WHAT IS 2+2?
I Heard it Through the Grapevine - Marvin Gaye
I bet you're wondering how I knew
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Nothing Else Matters - Metallica
Trust I seek and I find in you
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Drive my Car - The Beatles
I got no car and it's breaking my heart,
but I've found a driver and that's a start.
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Nahi rakhta dil mein Kuch - Lucky Ali
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Stairway to Heaven - Frank Zappa's version
No body, but nobody knows what Zappa can do to this song. He is GOD. Or someone close to Him.
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Sutta - The Zeest
Bhenchod, baanchod, bhenchod baanchod bhenchod baanchod....
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Space Oddity - David Bowie
I'm feeling very still
And I think my spaceship knows which way to go
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Dirty Harry - Gorillaz
Ain't got a chance, we ain't got a chance...
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
We didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel
It was always burning...
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Highway to Hell - AC/DC
I'm on my way to the promise land
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
You do something to me - Paul Weller
Mixing my emotions that throws me back again
Hanging on the wire, I'm waiting for the change
I'm dancing through the fire, just to catch a flame
an' feel real again
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Ghetto Superstar - Pras feat. Mya and ODB
The Supreme-dream-team always up with a scheme
WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Me and my Shadow - Frank Sinatra
Life is gonna be we-wow-whee! For my shadow and me.
Rules:
1. Put your MP3 player on shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write the name of the song no matter what. No cheating.
(In place of comments, I post a line from each song that seems to be apt for the post)
IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY”? YOU SAY?
Stupid Girls - Pink
baby if i act like... THAT!!
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Papercut - Linkin Park
Its like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
Its like the face inside is right beneath my skin
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Testify - Rage Against The Machines
Your temple it calms me
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Hallowed be Thy Name - Iron Maiden
Catch my soul cause its willing to fly away
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Ripple - The Grateful Dead
If I knew the way I would take you home
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Saawan me Lag Gayi Aag - Mika
Sune na sune na paagal diwaani...
Aaj na soya saari raat dil mera haay....
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Bholi Surat Dil ke Khote - Lata Mangeshkar
Naam bare hai darshan chhote
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Psycho Monkey - Joe Satriani
Er this has no lyrics. But the title sorta explains everything.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
La Tortura - Shakira
Ay amor me duele tanto (A love hurts both)
WHAT IS 2+2?
I Heard it Through the Grapevine - Marvin Gaye
I bet you're wondering how I knew
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Nothing Else Matters - Metallica
Trust I seek and I find in you
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Drive my Car - The Beatles
I got no car and it's breaking my heart,
but I've found a driver and that's a start.
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Nahi rakhta dil mein Kuch - Lucky Ali
Nahi rakhta dil mein kuch,
Rakhta hoon zubaan par,
samjhe na apne bhi kabhi.
Kah nahi sakta main kya,
sahtaa hoon chupa kar,
Ek aesi aadat hai meri.
Sabhi to hain jinse milta hoon,
Sahi jo hai inse kahta hoon,
Jo samajhta hoon.
maine dekha nahi rang dil aaya hai sirf adaa par,
Ek aesi chahat hai meri.
Baharon ke ghere se laaya main dil sajaa kar.
Ek aesi sohbat hai meri.
Saye mein chaye rehta hu
Aankein bichaye rehta hu
Jinse milta hu
kitno ko dekha hain hamne yaha
kutch sikha hain hamne unse naya
Pehle phursat thi ab hasratein samakar
Ek aaisi uljhan hain meri
Khud chalkar rukta hu jaha jis jagah par
Ek aaisi sarhad hain meri
Kahne se bhi main darta hoon
Apno ki dhun mein rahta hoon
Kar kya sakta Hoon
De sakta hoon main thoda pyar yahan par,
Jitni haisiyat hai meri.
Reh jaaun sabke dil mein dil ko basakar
Ek aaisi niyat hain meri
Ho jaye to bhi razi hoon.
Kho jaau to main baaki hoon.
Yun samajhta hoon.
Raste na badle na badla jahan
Phir kyon badalte kadam hain yahanI could not decide which line to keep.WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Stairway to Heaven - Frank Zappa's version
No body, but nobody knows what Zappa can do to this song. He is GOD. Or someone close to Him.
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Sutta - The Zeest
Bhenchod, baanchod, bhenchod baanchod bhenchod baanchod....
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Space Oddity - David Bowie
I'm feeling very still
And I think my spaceship knows which way to go
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Dirty Harry - Gorillaz
Ain't got a chance, we ain't got a chance...
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
We didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel
It was always burning...
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Highway to Hell - AC/DC
I'm on my way to the promise land
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
You do something to me - Paul Weller
Mixing my emotions that throws me back again
Hanging on the wire, I'm waiting for the change
I'm dancing through the fire, just to catch a flame
an' feel real again
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Ghetto Superstar - Pras feat. Mya and ODB
The Supreme-dream-team always up with a scheme
WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Me and my Shadow - Frank Sinatra
Life is gonna be we-wow-whee! For my shadow and me.
December 06, 2007
Marital Honours...
So the health is sort of confining me to my room nowadays. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to learn that the mother is taking great advantage of it and decided to add me to a matrimonial website. Yes Yes, Rimi has had a lot to say about the matrimonial thingy. I call that.... household hazard. Every Sunday morning my mother sits down in front of any Bengali newspaper and peruses with a magnifying glass through the columns. No joke, she uses a MAGNIFYING GLASS.
Anyway, the benefits of websites have come through and the search has gone online. Here are a few samples.
The Virgin.
"Hi to all. This is the first time I am here. Well describing myself is a difficult task for me especially here but in short I am a simple guy with simple values but extremely ambitious in terms of my career and regarding my life partner I want a simple, nice girl with little values and who could be my best friend before my second half."
We shall await the second half. Picture abhi bhi baaki hai mere dost.
The Beautificator.
"Regarding family background, father retired IFS officer, mother expired when I was only 12, two elder sis, one married. Do not have any bad habbits. i do smoke and drink occasionaly. Seeking for a life partner with whom i can share my thoughts and offcourse love. I am a very lovable type of a person , I think u will admire me more when u will meet me. I am very down to earth like a person. Hoping for a right match. She dont have to be beautyful but I desire my wife to be beautyful from heart."
Offcourse you shall get someone. Just not me. I am not beautyful from heart. I have lungs and gobs of fluid in it. Cholesterol-pressurizes the area where my heart once was.
The Gardener
"Looking for someone who has some aim in life, that may be towards the ultimate growth of her life. "
By God, dil garden garden ho gaya....
"Hi, good to see u watching my profile. i beleive that word's can never describe any one's personality b'cause their is vast difference bt'wen a language and emotions. i dont have any specfic hobbies at present but ussualy i like to go on long drives,have north indian or mughal dishes and gaze at the sky.I am tall, wheatish & handsome Ha.Ha ha...not at all. My Preference : i have no preferences as such except that our wavelength should match."
All right, this is All India Radio combined with an astronomer. I do claim that I have been guilty of stargazing at times.... generally at three in the morning when the world is asleep and I am missing my job and feeling hungry because I know that in one part of Kolkata there is someone eating chicken fried rice and running back to work... Ah work! What you made me!
The Soft Threller
"Hello,I am very simple and down-to-earth person.I like reading books(threller),listing music,surfing internet.I am whitesh,slim body type.I think that my life partner would be my best friend and I can create my future plan consulting with her.I am indian citizen by birth.I am not smoking and nither drinking.I have an elder brother brother and no sister.My father is an retired employee and my mother in a govt employee.My elder brother is a businessman and i am a computer programmer working in a software firm in saltlake,kolkata."
I could deal with the brother. I could deal with the slim body type. I cant deal with thrells. Sorry.
The Foodie
"I like reading books, watching Good movies (irrespective of language/country), i trek a lot. I like riding bikes. I like serenity and less crowded place. I own one Electra from enfield company. My complexion is not fair....well...not dark also! i am little overweight. I plan to marry by 2007. I am an Indian. I love to stay in India. My profession has many time tempted me to go abroad but i always humbly and politely avoided those 'opportunities'. Well... i like children. but unfortunately as i am still unmarried and i do not have the 'skill' or 'virtue' (whichever way u like to call) i failed to father any child till date! even failed to impress any girl at the first place. well.... ok, let me confess, i never tried to do so, honestly. I drink, occationally and only with my few old friends. I smoke, only when i am dipressed or down. By family i an not a vegetarian. but i do not eat fish. As my father deceased in my childhood, my mother preferred for veg food. so, from childhood i liked veg food. even now, 20-22 days in a month i take veg food. otherwise, i do not have any taboo for any food. I passed 10th standard from a bengali medium school. then 10+2 from a college in science. i completed my B.Sc (Physics) from CU. Then i completed my MCA from IGNOU. then i joined a software company as a computer programmer. In the year 2004 i left the company and opened my own software development firm. Right now i am in struggling period with my new adventure (read business). I am looking for a female. not male! She must be educated and jovial. and... as much honest as possible. I do not have any prejudices about caste, religion, financial status or any thing. I stay alone with my old metarnal uncle. I cook our food myself. i stay at central kolkata, in an apartment. .... well, thats all for the time being.You should not smoke (preference). If you do not smoke - I will not smoke, even when i will quarrel with my wife! "
This profile began with such promise. Truly at first I wanted to really go through the profile. But then came the food. And then the smoking bit.
The Primitive
"I am looking for a suitable match for me who would adjust to family values and adjust with the family cultures. Should not be too modern"
Boss we are postmodern here.
Yes, my loony bun is fine.
Peepsy's even better, but you better be liking my spunk because I am at the end of my tether here.
Oh, and have I told you how I lost a match?
The prospective In-Laws came to see me at Swabhumi, because they did not believe in conventional things, and wanted to meet me on a NEUTRAL ground. So I went, I had lots of good food on them because I am not supposed to have any according to the house rules and docs. And then I told them, while they were peering in a shop, "Oh I see someone... waitaminute I need to say hi...."
And I escaped, ran and came home. And when they called, because they were wondering where I was... I switched off the cell phone. And when they called the house, I assumed the voice of my mother and accused them of looting me away. They were afraid. Never called back.
Yes I am mad. And mean. And devoid of social graces. Sue me!
Anyway, the benefits of websites have come through and the search has gone online. Here are a few samples.
The Virgin.
"Hi to all. This is the first time I am here. Well describing myself is a difficult task for me especially here but in short I am a simple guy with simple values but extremely ambitious in terms of my career and regarding my life partner I want a simple, nice girl with little values and who could be my best friend before my second half."
We shall await the second half. Picture abhi bhi baaki hai mere dost.
The Beautificator.
"Regarding family background, father retired IFS officer, mother expired when I was only 12, two elder sis, one married. Do not have any bad habbits. i do smoke and drink occasionaly. Seeking for a life partner with whom i can share my thoughts and offcourse love. I am a very lovable type of a person , I think u will admire me more when u will meet me. I am very down to earth like a person. Hoping for a right match. She dont have to be beautyful but I desire my wife to be beautyful from heart."
Offcourse you shall get someone. Just not me. I am not beautyful from heart. I have lungs and gobs of fluid in it. Cholesterol-pressurizes the area where my heart once was.
The Gardener
"Looking for someone who has some aim in life, that may be towards the ultimate growth of her life. "
By God, dil garden garden ho gaya....
"Hi, good to see u watching my profile. i beleive that word's can never describe any one's personality b'cause their is vast difference bt'wen a language and emotions. i dont have any specfic hobbies at present but ussualy i like to go on long drives,have north indian or mughal dishes and gaze at the sky.I am tall, wheatish & handsome Ha.Ha ha...not at all. My Preference : i have no preferences as such except that our wavelength should match."
All right, this is All India Radio combined with an astronomer. I do claim that I have been guilty of stargazing at times.... generally at three in the morning when the world is asleep and I am missing my job and feeling hungry because I know that in one part of Kolkata there is someone eating chicken fried rice and running back to work... Ah work! What you made me!
The Soft Threller
"Hello,I am very simple and down-to-earth person.I like reading books(threller),listing music,surfing internet.I am whitesh,slim body type.I think that my life partner would be my best friend and I can create my future plan consulting with her.I am indian citizen by birth.I am not smoking and nither drinking.I have an elder brother brother and no sister.My father is an retired employee and my mother in a govt employee.My elder brother is a businessman and i am a computer programmer working in a software firm in saltlake,kolkata."
I could deal with the brother. I could deal with the slim body type. I cant deal with thrells. Sorry.
The Foodie
"I like reading books, watching Good movies (irrespective of language/country), i trek a lot. I like riding bikes. I like serenity and less crowded place. I own one Electra from enfield company. My complexion is not fair....well...not dark also! i am little overweight. I plan to marry by 2007. I am an Indian. I love to stay in India. My profession has many time tempted me to go abroad but i always humbly and politely avoided those 'opportunities'. Well... i like children. but unfortunately as i am still unmarried and i do not have the 'skill' or 'virtue' (whichever way u like to call) i failed to father any child till date! even failed to impress any girl at the first place. well.... ok, let me confess, i never tried to do so, honestly. I drink, occationally and only with my few old friends. I smoke, only when i am dipressed or down. By family i an not a vegetarian. but i do not eat fish. As my father deceased in my childhood, my mother preferred for veg food. so, from childhood i liked veg food. even now, 20-22 days in a month i take veg food. otherwise, i do not have any taboo for any food. I passed 10th standard from a bengali medium school. then 10+2 from a college in science. i completed my B.Sc (Physics) from CU. Then i completed my MCA from IGNOU. then i joined a software company as a computer programmer. In the year 2004 i left the company and opened my own software development firm. Right now i am in struggling period with my new adventure (read business). I am looking for a female. not male! She must be educated and jovial. and... as much honest as possible. I do not have any prejudices about caste, religion, financial status or any thing. I stay alone with my old metarnal uncle. I cook our food myself. i stay at central kolkata, in an apartment. .... well, thats all for the time being.You should not smoke (preference). If you do not smoke - I will not smoke, even when i will quarrel with my wife! "
This profile began with such promise. Truly at first I wanted to really go through the profile. But then came the food. And then the smoking bit.
The Primitive
"I am looking for a suitable match for me who would adjust to family values and adjust with the family cultures. Should not be too modern"
Boss we are postmodern here.
Yes, my loony bun is fine.
Peepsy's even better, but you better be liking my spunk because I am at the end of my tether here.
Oh, and have I told you how I lost a match?
The prospective In-Laws came to see me at Swabhumi, because they did not believe in conventional things, and wanted to meet me on a NEUTRAL ground. So I went, I had lots of good food on them because I am not supposed to have any according to the house rules and docs. And then I told them, while they were peering in a shop, "Oh I see someone... waitaminute I need to say hi...."
And I escaped, ran and came home. And when they called, because they were wondering where I was... I switched off the cell phone. And when they called the house, I assumed the voice of my mother and accused them of looting me away. They were afraid. Never called back.
Yes I am mad. And mean. And devoid of social graces. Sue me!
December 04, 2007
Umm.
Well.
I.
Sort of began slowly, but the flow is coming in now. Its been a long, haunting day with miles of melodrama and people banging their heads against the wall (read the wall of this room) and finally I threw up my hands.
Enough, said I.
I stared at my fate and proclaimed it down. Down with the sickness. I am tired of it.
But unfortunately, it is not tiring of me. Its eating my core. Slowly.
On another hand, the parents are being together and the twenty-fifth anniversary has come up and they have successfully drunk-dialed people and as a result I have had to call back and apologize to people who I have no clue about. With the THROAT that seems to me to be eternally sore now.
I hate my house. I want to run away. Someone, get me a Lamborghini and I would. I would also need a driver, so there!!
Lamborghini. I have expensive taste.
I.
Sort of began slowly, but the flow is coming in now. Its been a long, haunting day with miles of melodrama and people banging their heads against the wall (read the wall of this room) and finally I threw up my hands.
Enough, said I.
I stared at my fate and proclaimed it down. Down with the sickness. I am tired of it.
But unfortunately, it is not tiring of me. Its eating my core. Slowly.
On another hand, the parents are being together and the twenty-fifth anniversary has come up and they have successfully drunk-dialed people and as a result I have had to call back and apologize to people who I have no clue about. With the THROAT that seems to me to be eternally sore now.
I hate my house. I want to run away. Someone, get me a Lamborghini and I would. I would also need a driver, so there!!
Lamborghini. I have expensive taste.
November 23, 2007
One Hundredth Post
Nothing too fancy.
Its been quite a long time.
And I have been confined within the words.
Ah well.
Hop on.
So what was on my list again?
Oh yes, my days. The butt ends that remain of it are quite calm actually. I have forgotten how it was when a certain someone would make nasty comments and watch me suffer, I have forgotten the unsuspecting "Tag" that someone would unerringly put on me.
Now I have become very mental. This room sort of does that to me. Its around 10 x 12 feet and it really kills me sometimes though it has 7 windows that are kept open all day.
Its the nights I dread most of the times. I remember everything then.
But I have fun too. I fail to see Britney Spears waving back at me from a mirror or read too many fanfics and have nightmares.... but I do things that make me laugh. Here I must tell you that I have finished reading a few books that I always wanted to read but did not have the time... and they are bleddy awesome... including Jeanette Winterson's Tanglewreck and Kenilworth Whisp's Quidditch Through the Ages. Someone please send me a copy of Pratchett's Making Money and I will be eternally grateful.
And I am officially in a relationship. With two men. Who have devoted themselves to me. Thank You Dhruva and Swayam, you two make me feel like I can do something once I get off this room.
And no, I do NOT require a shrink, or a therapist. Its all good.
Its this room I tell you. Should not have let the Mother clean it. Now I cant find a single thing and all my stuffs are in Packets and in Racks....
Its been quite a long time.
And I have been confined within the words.
Ah well.
Hop on.
So what was on my list again?
Oh yes, my days. The butt ends that remain of it are quite calm actually. I have forgotten how it was when a certain someone would make nasty comments and watch me suffer, I have forgotten the unsuspecting "Tag" that someone would unerringly put on me.
Now I have become very mental. This room sort of does that to me. Its around 10 x 12 feet and it really kills me sometimes though it has 7 windows that are kept open all day.
Its the nights I dread most of the times. I remember everything then.
But I have fun too. I fail to see Britney Spears waving back at me from a mirror or read too many fanfics and have nightmares.... but I do things that make me laugh. Here I must tell you that I have finished reading a few books that I always wanted to read but did not have the time... and they are bleddy awesome... including Jeanette Winterson's Tanglewreck and Kenilworth Whisp's Quidditch Through the Ages. Someone please send me a copy of Pratchett's Making Money and I will be eternally grateful.
And I am officially in a relationship. With two men. Who have devoted themselves to me. Thank You Dhruva and Swayam, you two make me feel like I can do something once I get off this room.
And no, I do NOT require a shrink, or a therapist. Its all good.
Its this room I tell you. Should not have let the Mother clean it. Now I cant find a single thing and all my stuffs are in Packets and in Racks....
November 15, 2007
Soil
I hear Gunshots.
Everything outside is dark and wet because the rain has soaked the November dust tonight and there I hear Gunshots.
It is a lone shot at first.
It is followed by a series of them.
I run to the balcony to see.
Where is it coming from? I wonder.... Where.
Then from the darkness I see two shades moving away from me, and one dark heap lying on the ground.
I run downstairs, open my door and run to the heap.
It is another person. It is another person who is now dead.
I do not know him. But he is dead.
Dead
I walk away. He is already dead and it is dark and wet here. I fear for myself. I will come back, I promise. Tomorrow. When ants would make holes on your eyelid to tear at your dead cornea. They like the sound of the tearing flesh when they make a steady attempt to demolish you with their comrades...
But you have made the first sacrifice. From here, the ants will come back, but they will not be able to eat you up. We will see to it. We will take you away and let you be in peace. The ants shall sample other bodies too, but we will try to salvage them before they get those bodies.
And then I shall trample the ants under my shod foot and kill them all. The ones who can run away will run away. I will stare at my mess and laugh at their death.
But for now, I leave. Let me go... I promise I shall be back.
Everything outside is dark and wet because the rain has soaked the November dust tonight and there I hear Gunshots.
It is a lone shot at first.
It is followed by a series of them.
I run to the balcony to see.
Where is it coming from? I wonder.... Where.
Then from the darkness I see two shades moving away from me, and one dark heap lying on the ground.
I run downstairs, open my door and run to the heap.
It is another person. It is another person who is now dead.
I do not know him. But he is dead.
Dead
I walk away. He is already dead and it is dark and wet here. I fear for myself. I will come back, I promise. Tomorrow. When ants would make holes on your eyelid to tear at your dead cornea. They like the sound of the tearing flesh when they make a steady attempt to demolish you with their comrades...
But you have made the first sacrifice. From here, the ants will come back, but they will not be able to eat you up. We will see to it. We will take you away and let you be in peace. The ants shall sample other bodies too, but we will try to salvage them before they get those bodies.
And then I shall trample the ants under my shod foot and kill them all. The ones who can run away will run away. I will stare at my mess and laugh at their death.
But for now, I leave. Let me go... I promise I shall be back.
November 11, 2007
Sitaron se sajaake....
And there was a day when I saw you smile, confusion and love waging a battle between them, and you sniffed and then absorbed the tears and gave me a hug. Because you loved me.
And another day, you walked in front of a running car for me, and scolded me for being self-indulgent in misery, and you loved me too.
Yet another day you told me you loved me, overcoming all the barriers you have set around yourself.
And another day, you held my hand, kissed it, and told me about the miseries of the world within you, and then you sought relief because you loved me.
Haoay haoay..... haoay haoay.... Bondhu tomay.... e gaan shonabo....
Ei raat tomar amar.... ei chaand tomar aamar.....
Maine tere liye hi saat rang ke sapne chune.... sapne suriley sapne....
Zindagi kaisi ye paheli haaye..... Kabhi ye hasaaye, Kabhi ye...........................
Tanha dil, tanha safar, dhundey tujhe, phir kyun nazar
And another day, you walked in front of a running car for me, and scolded me for being self-indulgent in misery, and you loved me too.
Yet another day you told me you loved me, overcoming all the barriers you have set around yourself.
And another day, you held my hand, kissed it, and told me about the miseries of the world within you, and then you sought relief because you loved me.
Haoay haoay..... haoay haoay.... Bondhu tomay.... e gaan shonabo....
Ei raat tomar amar.... ei chaand tomar aamar.....
Maine tere liye hi saat rang ke sapne chune.... sapne suriley sapne....
Zindagi kaisi ye paheli haaye..... Kabhi ye hasaaye, Kabhi ye...........................
Tanha dil, tanha safar, dhundey tujhe, phir kyun nazar
November 02, 2007
Autumn-Cleaning
Dudes and dudettes who visit my blog ever so seldom, I hereby declare I have quit my job. I am, as of now, UNEMPLOYED.
Uh-Oh.
Ah well, I'll look for something else. I am going to. I swear.
Just not now.
The other day I was on a spree..... cleaning spree. And I was going through the junk that I have in my room, that most of my friends declare being Uber-comfy, apart from the great Chu, who begins cleaning within a mile of my room, and I end up losing everything that I have in the room..... Ah the pains of having a girl who loves me but does not love my mess!
Anyway, I revised on what I got myself with the salary I have.... have to analyze it because I have Quit it, and I need a replacement job fast, because Time's a-wasting. Butbutbut.... good news!! I have time to burn, and I have decided to learn how to drive my car.
Um, have you watched Speed? Sandra Bullock?? Let me tell you, I do not intend to drive my car like that. I just want to drive it....
Cars scare me. Like needles. I always wanted a tattoo. Like I wanted to donate blood. But let me tell you, you're watching that needle....that needle that went inside you once and pulled out some blood, go into you GOD-KNOWS-HOW-MANY times inside your skin.
Excuse me while I faint now.
Anyway, so I am left with unemployment, and I know that is going to be a problem soon enough, but hey, what was that Python song again?
Life's a piece of shit.... when you look at it.
For me, probably a piece of shit with a lipstick stuffed in it. With a piece of raw, scraped bone to top.
Sorry, impolite imagery. But have to vent that out sometimes when I realize that it was someone else's problem that eventually got me out of the job I have now. And the worst bit is, I can't do anything. Its all in the rulebook. And I have to follow it.
Uh-Oh.
Ah well, I'll look for something else. I am going to. I swear.
Just not now.
The other day I was on a spree..... cleaning spree. And I was going through the junk that I have in my room, that most of my friends declare being Uber-comfy, apart from the great Chu, who begins cleaning within a mile of my room, and I end up losing everything that I have in the room..... Ah the pains of having a girl who loves me but does not love my mess!
Anyway, I revised on what I got myself with the salary I have.... have to analyze it because I have Quit it, and I need a replacement job fast, because Time's a-wasting. Butbutbut.... good news!! I have time to burn, and I have decided to learn how to drive my car.
Um, have you watched Speed? Sandra Bullock?? Let me tell you, I do not intend to drive my car like that. I just want to drive it....
Cars scare me. Like needles. I always wanted a tattoo. Like I wanted to donate blood. But let me tell you, you're watching that needle....that needle that went inside you once and pulled out some blood, go into you GOD-KNOWS-HOW-MANY times inside your skin.
Excuse me while I faint now.
Anyway, so I am left with unemployment, and I know that is going to be a problem soon enough, but hey, what was that Python song again?
Life's a piece of shit.... when you look at it.
For me, probably a piece of shit with a lipstick stuffed in it. With a piece of raw, scraped bone to top.
Sorry, impolite imagery. But have to vent that out sometimes when I realize that it was someone else's problem that eventually got me out of the job I have now. And the worst bit is, I can't do anything. Its all in the rulebook. And I have to follow it.
October 20, 2007
Its like watching it happen another time.
I am standing in the sidelines.... watching this happen. I am watching this happen. I cant believe this is happening but I am still watching, in horrified fascination. Its like watching someone rape me. Its like that. But its not just that.
The rape is a non-consensual act of violence where the subject is objectified. But what if the object is in another plane where she/he fails to understand what is happening to her/him, just let it happen, and watch as she/he is being raped from somewhere within the self where nothing, no one can approach her, touch her, understand her?
There's the rub.
I watch. Its always been like that. A watch. A look out. Out from the world within, like the mermaid watching from within the sea the spirit beyond. The mermaid wanted others to understand her but she could not. Her voice at the world of reality was snatched away. She was frozen on the spot, watching it happen to her.... where reality robbed her out of her speech. She became the ultimate puppet, played by the hands of reality... and she escaped to the sea because she realized the empathy of the enclosure...
I am standing in the sidelines.... watching this happen. I am watching this happen. I cant believe this is happening but I am still watching, in horrified fascination. Its like watching someone rape me. Its like that. But its not just that.
The rape is a non-consensual act of violence where the subject is objectified. But what if the object is in another plane where she/he fails to understand what is happening to her/him, just let it happen, and watch as she/he is being raped from somewhere within the self where nothing, no one can approach her, touch her, understand her?
There's the rub.
I watch. Its always been like that. A watch. A look out. Out from the world within, like the mermaid watching from within the sea the spirit beyond. The mermaid wanted others to understand her but she could not. Her voice at the world of reality was snatched away. She was frozen on the spot, watching it happen to her.... where reality robbed her out of her speech. She became the ultimate puppet, played by the hands of reality... and she escaped to the sea because she realized the empathy of the enclosure...
October 06, 2007
September 18, 2007
The other day we were at Kaichu's place..... me, Dhruva, Kaichu and Rimi....... bloggers all. Rimi sat daintily on the sofa, her legs positioned in a suitably ladylike manner, raised her left eyebrow at a pointed forty-five degree arc and declared : "How can you sit like That!!"Puzzled, I looked down at my legs. There they were, spread at a dedicated posture of going nowhere, indicating my relaxed mode. I knew it offended her inbred convent-educated manners to sit like that, but when you have spent all your life around people who have made indifference an art, the remarks are remarkably easy to ignore, though the inbred sense of always having to explain your action forces this post on me.
And then we were lying down, and talking about "Stuff".... and I was in this haze.... [dare I call it purple??] the light from outside that came after all the lights were switched off and we were immersed in a twilight zone, and Dhruva as trying to tell us horror stories. After a while Kaichu sort of threw up her hands, looked and sounded adoringly like Mamie in Tom and Jerry and we knew we got to her.
Deep in the night we had met the Peep who had been asking us to gatecrash her party in the politest manner possible, and downing Black Dogs straight up. In the process, she left her cell phone in Kaichu's hand and later on had to be reminded of it over and over again.
And barely an hour before that, the Sandman, who was with us at Sharma's Dhaba, where we were downing Chicken Tangri Masala with Garlic Naan (Ah, a slice of heaven right down here...), was telling us his story, how he has lived alone for the last few years, and we were listening and as I was thinking........ Oh, to have that life back again, the days when I was twenty one, and as impressionable as him.
And even before, we were at Princeton, listening to a bad band play, and Pablo was sitting with me and we were discussing the times that bind us now.Another year is about to pass.
I grow old, I grow old.
And then we were lying down, and talking about "Stuff".... and I was in this haze.... [dare I call it purple??] the light from outside that came after all the lights were switched off and we were immersed in a twilight zone, and Dhruva as trying to tell us horror stories. After a while Kaichu sort of threw up her hands, looked and sounded adoringly like Mamie in Tom and Jerry and we knew we got to her.
Deep in the night we had met the Peep who had been asking us to gatecrash her party in the politest manner possible, and downing Black Dogs straight up. In the process, she left her cell phone in Kaichu's hand and later on had to be reminded of it over and over again.
And barely an hour before that, the Sandman, who was with us at Sharma's Dhaba, where we were downing Chicken Tangri Masala with Garlic Naan (Ah, a slice of heaven right down here...), was telling us his story, how he has lived alone for the last few years, and we were listening and as I was thinking........ Oh, to have that life back again, the days when I was twenty one, and as impressionable as him.
And even before, we were at Princeton, listening to a bad band play, and Pablo was sitting with me and we were discussing the times that bind us now.Another year is about to pass.
I grow old, I grow old.
September 06, 2007
Posting from a Place.....
As I write, I can see my time running out on me.... I have around 10 minutes to go before my break ends so I better finish fast.
I miss our old trainers... This room gives me the chills.... I miss Abhik, i miss Vivek and I miss Prateek. I met Prateek today... He looked strained. He identified me at the gate (because I had forgotten my own ID) and let me enter Wipro. I dont know why but I felt sorry for the poor guy.... Imagine, having to leave for Hyderabad on a few day's notice.... If I had a chance, I would hit on the decision maker's head and make him see sense.... That will teach him a lesson not to interfere in other people's business.
Driftwood. That sort of takes care of this post's issue. I miss home sometimes.... home is not home anymore. There are so many different things that I miss nowadays............. the crowd of JU, the people who used to be with me.... Andromeda and others.... and then I miss Sir, and Kaichu.
This sounds so desperately like a testimonial on the number of misses. But I do. I miss them, I miss them.... I really wish I could stop missing them.... but I cant. I cant believe that there was a time when I would spend hours in the end with people I loved, talking and laughing and having a gala time with them. Now I just go to sleep and remain thankful when I am not awake because some dumb idiot has called me in the middle of the night (which is basically three o'clock in the afternoon and therefore a godly hour for the rest of mankind )....
Anyway, there are things that I remember, when I go for breaks I do believe I wish sometimes I see Andromeda, from across here to the godawful place she works at..... But I wish her happiness. Because if this is what she wants, this is what she would have.
Momentary glimpses from a past life sometimes haunts me.... I feel paralyzed when I am suddenly attacked by a vision of Sandy quietly laughing as A Lal poked fun at Queen, and Bohemian Rhaphsody.... or ADG looking contemplatively at a copy of Antigone and just scratching his brow with the adorable "I dont know where my dog is, and I have no clue what the Anti Bitch's problem was.... And I think I am stuck at this terrible Miasma that is haunting me just as badly as the Choerephorai...." expression.
Ah, those Sophocles classes where Babel used to enter around fifteen minutes after the class had begun, and ADG smiling at her and giving her an indulgent "I know where you came from... and I really wish I did not but I do" smile and told her to sit with an imperial nod.... I felt like going "ZEUS! O Lord of Lords!!!" everytime he did that.... he had such an impact.... it was like a bolt of lightning. I might even compare him to Thor.
And Tintinda, dear Tintin da.
The name... the name...
I felt Loki.
Perfect. He is the ultimate mischief maker. I read Sandman the other day. I felt Tintinda in Loki. I felt Loki in Tintinda.
And sometimes I wonder what will I call myself. Delirium? Delirium is apt. I dont know where I am going and I dont know where I came from. This mind remains in a perpetual state of blankness, a state of numbness. I live in presence. Am I suffering from Permanent Cathartic Effect (PCE) ??
Dearly departed souls of this mortal cloth, I do feel for those who are lost, those who are gone to a different frame, and is lost in translation. I feel for you because the fallen IDOLS all turn to dust in the end... everything is lost, everyone is emptied of their own selves, and they follow the path... the path they think is shown but is actually something they have chosen on their own.
Everyone makes choices. All the choices are actually made for them, but they make them anyway. And with each choice they move forward, look forward, while living in their past, because every moment is a living history, a thing of the past the moment they are created. The illusion is perfect... we actually live in the past but look before. And we pine for what is not.
Maddy. My Maddalena, my Madeline, my Mado....
The other day I felt the warm tang of the morning breeze and I felt your smile with it. My sunshine, my glory, a love I love.... She believes in goodness. And she shatters just a little more as her belief is taken apart at the seams and torn. Like wings from a fragile moth. And she is as attracted to the hypnotic rays of light as the moth.
Which reminds me of someone who is better not named. Like Voldemort, he is to be left in the dark... Let him be the soul of this particular post. He colours the edges of the text... In spirit, he supplements the vermouth... caustic but succulent, leaving a bitter-sour-sweet aftertaste in the mouth and something that I really cannot define... A sense of denial? I hoped to become friends. I do not know now whether we are... foolish, thoughtless comments break the tender bonds we humans forge with threads of recognition of the pain that we all face and overcome, and face and face again.
I end here. It is a good time to end this particular post which brims with nostalgia, that beckons me towards the momentary need to forget oneself... we long to be in nothingness, and our longings often are realized.
I miss our old trainers... This room gives me the chills.... I miss Abhik, i miss Vivek and I miss Prateek. I met Prateek today... He looked strained. He identified me at the gate (because I had forgotten my own ID) and let me enter Wipro. I dont know why but I felt sorry for the poor guy.... Imagine, having to leave for Hyderabad on a few day's notice.... If I had a chance, I would hit on the decision maker's head and make him see sense.... That will teach him a lesson not to interfere in other people's business.
Driftwood. That sort of takes care of this post's issue. I miss home sometimes.... home is not home anymore. There are so many different things that I miss nowadays............. the crowd of JU, the people who used to be with me.... Andromeda and others.... and then I miss Sir, and Kaichu.
This sounds so desperately like a testimonial on the number of misses. But I do. I miss them, I miss them.... I really wish I could stop missing them.... but I cant. I cant believe that there was a time when I would spend hours in the end with people I loved, talking and laughing and having a gala time with them. Now I just go to sleep and remain thankful when I am not awake because some dumb idiot has called me in the middle of the night (which is basically three o'clock in the afternoon and therefore a godly hour for the rest of mankind )....
Anyway, there are things that I remember, when I go for breaks I do believe I wish sometimes I see Andromeda, from across here to the godawful place she works at..... But I wish her happiness. Because if this is what she wants, this is what she would have.
Momentary glimpses from a past life sometimes haunts me.... I feel paralyzed when I am suddenly attacked by a vision of Sandy quietly laughing as A Lal poked fun at Queen, and Bohemian Rhaphsody.... or ADG looking contemplatively at a copy of Antigone and just scratching his brow with the adorable "I dont know where my dog is, and I have no clue what the Anti Bitch's problem was.... And I think I am stuck at this terrible Miasma that is haunting me just as badly as the Choerephorai...." expression.
Ah, those Sophocles classes where Babel used to enter around fifteen minutes after the class had begun, and ADG smiling at her and giving her an indulgent "I know where you came from... and I really wish I did not but I do" smile and told her to sit with an imperial nod.... I felt like going "ZEUS! O Lord of Lords!!!" everytime he did that.... he had such an impact.... it was like a bolt of lightning. I might even compare him to Thor.
And Tintinda, dear Tintin da.
The name... the name...
I felt Loki.
Perfect. He is the ultimate mischief maker. I read Sandman the other day. I felt Tintinda in Loki. I felt Loki in Tintinda.
And sometimes I wonder what will I call myself. Delirium? Delirium is apt. I dont know where I am going and I dont know where I came from. This mind remains in a perpetual state of blankness, a state of numbness. I live in presence. Am I suffering from Permanent Cathartic Effect (PCE) ??
Dearly departed souls of this mortal cloth, I do feel for those who are lost, those who are gone to a different frame, and is lost in translation. I feel for you because the fallen IDOLS all turn to dust in the end... everything is lost, everyone is emptied of their own selves, and they follow the path... the path they think is shown but is actually something they have chosen on their own.
Everyone makes choices. All the choices are actually made for them, but they make them anyway. And with each choice they move forward, look forward, while living in their past, because every moment is a living history, a thing of the past the moment they are created. The illusion is perfect... we actually live in the past but look before. And we pine for what is not.
Maddy. My Maddalena, my Madeline, my Mado....
The other day I felt the warm tang of the morning breeze and I felt your smile with it. My sunshine, my glory, a love I love.... She believes in goodness. And she shatters just a little more as her belief is taken apart at the seams and torn. Like wings from a fragile moth. And she is as attracted to the hypnotic rays of light as the moth.
Which reminds me of someone who is better not named. Like Voldemort, he is to be left in the dark... Let him be the soul of this particular post. He colours the edges of the text... In spirit, he supplements the vermouth... caustic but succulent, leaving a bitter-sour-sweet aftertaste in the mouth and something that I really cannot define... A sense of denial? I hoped to become friends. I do not know now whether we are... foolish, thoughtless comments break the tender bonds we humans forge with threads of recognition of the pain that we all face and overcome, and face and face again.
I end here. It is a good time to end this particular post which brims with nostalgia, that beckons me towards the momentary need to forget oneself... we long to be in nothingness, and our longings often are realized.
August 17, 2007
me me me me
The song goes like that.... I hum it sometimes when my mind stops working, and I stare in front of me at the computer and then pick up the messages blinking on it and save the folder and then delete them because I don't want to go see another face that is going to go away.
Everyone goes away, in the end.
I lie. In this angry mass of burning spirits I float and churn inside, willing to calm but unable to do so... willing to give in but unable to run out of my molten spirits.... I am like the lava that erupts and pours through, the bile, the unbearable lightness of being in nothingness.
Will you carry all? My empire of dirt??
And I forgot the words, but the essence is still there. The essence is there in the short spurts of enthusiasm, the childish outstretch towards something.... something. But I find nothing. I see nothing. I feel nothing.
NO Thing is. But what is not?
Everyone goes away, in the end.
I lie. In this angry mass of burning spirits I float and churn inside, willing to calm but unable to do so... willing to give in but unable to run out of my molten spirits.... I am like the lava that erupts and pours through, the bile, the unbearable lightness of being in nothingness.
Will you carry all? My empire of dirt??
And I forgot the words, but the essence is still there. The essence is there in the short spurts of enthusiasm, the childish outstretch towards something.... something. But I find nothing. I see nothing. I feel nothing.
NO Thing is. But what is not?
August 05, 2007
BILE
Bile.
Bile rises sometimes... from the innards that you took for granted. At the mess.
You rage. You fight against it coming out. You hate yourself for the mass of acidic sick erupting from your bowels, shooting out of your mouth. But you say it. You go ahead and throw the sickness at the world and revel in the pleasure of numbness inside your mouth.
And then you see a little girl playing in the gutters. The girl has pushed her arms through a polythene packet's handles, and the packet balloons out behind her... the illusion it gives.... it looks like wings. White wings.
And the girl's happy.
And all is well again. You go from place to place, stumble from block to block and falsely smile.
You tell people you adore how much you adore them, and then they tell you you look hurt.
What have I done, my sweetest friend???
Its all a mess, I tell them. All a lie. A big sham, and its just the beginning.
And someone looks over, from high and low, from all sides, including the inside, and smiles, and smiles, and smiles some more, because thats all there is to it.
You save the bile inside that smile. And one day it erupts with a little whimper of pain, and then it gushes.
Bile rises sometimes... from the innards that you took for granted. At the mess.
You rage. You fight against it coming out. You hate yourself for the mass of acidic sick erupting from your bowels, shooting out of your mouth. But you say it. You go ahead and throw the sickness at the world and revel in the pleasure of numbness inside your mouth.
And then you see a little girl playing in the gutters. The girl has pushed her arms through a polythene packet's handles, and the packet balloons out behind her... the illusion it gives.... it looks like wings. White wings.
And the girl's happy.
And all is well again. You go from place to place, stumble from block to block and falsely smile.
You tell people you adore how much you adore them, and then they tell you you look hurt.
What have I done, my sweetest friend???
Its all a mess, I tell them. All a lie. A big sham, and its just the beginning.
And someone looks over, from high and low, from all sides, including the inside, and smiles, and smiles, and smiles some more, because thats all there is to it.
You save the bile inside that smile. And one day it erupts with a little whimper of pain, and then it gushes.
July 22, 2007
The Last Resort....
Cut my life into pieces,
This is my last resort,
Suffocation, no breathing,
Dont give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding...
-------------- Last Resort - Papa Roach
And that was the way it began. Those who don't know what I am talking about, today saw Cassini's Division play at Someplace Else for the last time. The management was quite happy with their decision of not renewing their contract, because who wants to see a bunch of people headbang and mosh and jump off speakers and throw beer bottles around and empty the ashtray over other's head?
No respectable Starry, Classy hotel does.
Today I came back from work early. I had a few things to settle before I headed for the gig. The final one. My friend M told that this would be the last, so I came to pay respect. It was something that I had to do.
It was a cold day in December 2006 when I first heard Cassini's Division play. I was at the place for barely twenty minutes, but I found myself nodding my head to the beat, and when my friend Heathcliffe came back from U.K., I went to rediscover the beat.
And I was hooked from the start, mesmerized, hypnotized by the power that lured me back each time I decided to give up. Fatal Attraction? Yes, perhaps. But somehow, the songs made me feel alive.
Dreary weary bored to death
I'm getting tired of myself
In this bleak suburban hole
Killing my soul
Gotta get away, get away
Find my way out of here
Find that cozy little place, be myself
And dream away the day at night
Disposition saturnine
Dream away my daytime life
Disposition saturnine
---------------Satyr9, Cassini's Division
I told John today... "Fireworks. There should be fireworks today." And they delivered. The world ended with a BOOM, and I was stunned....
Oh my God, the fever! It was a mess, a marvel, a miracle. It began with a little explosion of passion, and then took off from there. The place was jam-packed, all the headbangers near the speakers, and watching as the band took off from one plane and led into realms of surreality... One by one the songs took off... Voivoid, Kryptonite, Caesar, Fake, Smooth Criminal, Higher, Drowning, Story of her life.... The songs flowed.
I was stunned, shattered, weakened, aware. I watched as the show wound down to an end, and then saw Rahul da looking at us... the pride glowing like a glowworm in the night. The lights made his profile stand out sharply, he was magnificent. And what the others could not say, he said it. Music, the Saviour, the soul of beauty, the rhythm of life, the beat of orgiastic, dionysian, uncontrollable, unparalleled beauty that left one with a void, a numbness of utter bliss, where there was nothing, and that was the relief.
And I found someone shed tears because she felt the loss inside her soul; the catharsis, the calm of mind would no longer be found here. She felt the loss, and she felt lost, cast adrift in the storm of life.
And someone else was trying to laugh, to joke, to be herself, and in the end, she gave up and sought comfort in my embrace, too caught up to notice that she did not know me.
And there was someone whose grandmother was dying of cancer, and she was called off to the hospital, and when she came back, it was all over. The show was over.
And someone got hit and bled. But he lived and loved every moment.
And someone was bleeding inside. Bleeding. But he thrived in his misery, and decided to give life another chance.
And someone did not turn up because he realized he could not face the trauma of being left.
And the Jedi watched it all. And he understood, and took care of those who could not look after themselves properly.
All of us... the crowd was all the way with the group, and everyone was caught up in the rhythm, in the beat, in the music that beat against their souls, freeing them, leading them.
In the end, it did'nt matter, despite the pictures taken, and the gig schedule seen. I would miss you people. Because all of you matter. All of you, you know who you are.
And Rahulda, John, Sukantida and Ludoda.
Someplace Else to me was equivalent to Cassini's Division. Now Someplace Else is someplace else. Its a void.
July 20, 2007
A Knight in the darkness...
There is a Samurai in my acquaintance who is a constant source of love, and aspiration for me.
I am in awe of him.
Sometimes walking down the mossy paths across the narrow bridges inside my being, I suddenly remember that there are fighters who made it, and suckers who did not. Sometimes I have fought, sometimes, I have been sucked in. What always mattered was that I survived. And I am. Surviving.
Its somehow simple once you realize that you can never give up on life. If you do, then it means you have lost yourself, left yourself behind, and given up searching for it. And so you try to find it in death.
I am in awe of him.
Sometimes walking down the mossy paths across the narrow bridges inside my being, I suddenly remember that there are fighters who made it, and suckers who did not. Sometimes I have fought, sometimes, I have been sucked in. What always mattered was that I survived. And I am. Surviving.
Its somehow simple once you realize that you can never give up on life. If you do, then it means you have lost yourself, left yourself behind, and given up searching for it. And so you try to find it in death.
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